Free Wig Betrayed by Charles Courtley

back! My Chief of Staff tells me that, as the convening officer of this court martial, I can dissolve the proceeding anytime I like, so why
shouldn’t
the club be returned to me, eh?”
    In as level a voice as I could manage, I decided it was time to put the General in his place.
    â€œBarging in like this and abusing the judge is a contempt of court. If you don’t leave this instant, I’ll have you arrested by the court orderly!”
    For a few moments, neither of us spoke as we squared up to each other. At the same time, a flustered court orderly and Brigadier Drubb appeared at the door. It was the latter who broke the silence.
    â€œNow, now
boys
. What a fuss! Scrapping around like a couple of 11-year-olds! It would never have been allowed on any of my wards! So pointless too, because we intend to acquit Private Merse immediately. Queens’ Regulations state that we can do that at any time, if we so wish, before the case has concluded. From all we’ve heard, we don’t really think he was dishonest and frankly General,” she wagged her finger at him, “you should have given him and the others a tip at
least
for all that caddying!”

Nine
    After my bruising encounter with the General, somehow it didn’t seem appropriate to attend the dinner dance and we returned to the garrison straight away. A few days later, I received an urgent summons from London. As I entered Peascod’s room, his head was wobbling more frenetically than ever and that, coupled with the grim expression on his face, left me in no doubt that I was in serious trouble. As I sat down, he introduced me to a rat-faced, little man sitting by his desk.
    â€œThis is Mr Mengle, Courtley. He’s a Minister of State attached to the Ministry of Defence. I’ll ask him to explain the purpose of this meeting.”
    The minister spoke with an estuary twang, his eyes levelled at an area above my head.
    â€œJudge Advocate Courtley, General Hudibrass has put in a complaint about your conduct to the Chief of the Defence Staff, who in turn referred it to the Army Board. They have decided that no court martial can be convened with you officiating as judge advocate until that complaint has been fully investigated. The Secretary of State for Defence agrees, which is why I’m here to explain the position.”
    Thunderstruck, I turned to Peascod.
    â€œThey can’t just
do
that, surely? As judge advocates, we’re not in the army chain of command and only you can suspend any of us from exercising our judicial function.”
    â€œWell, yes and no,” Peascod said, acting true to form, “but the Army High Command
are
entitled
not
to make use of your services, which is what has happened here. I’m afraid I can’t interfere with what is an executive decision, Courtley.”
    He gestured haplessly towards the minister. I stood up, venting my fury on Peascod.
    â€œYou mean I’m
suspended
to all intents and purposes, yet you have to get a politician
to spell it out!”
    Before Peascod could answer, the rat spoke up, “The Army Board are responsible to the defence secretary and had to refer your case to him, hence my presence in this office. That’s why I came just to deliver the message. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m due in the House of Commons shortly...”
    I just stopped myself from shouting ‘good riddance’ as he left, before turning on Peascod.
    â€œHe must have apprised you of this meeting in advance, so the very least you could have done is to have informed me of what the complaint is all about.”
    â€œWell, the General alleges that you threatened to have him arrested. I can hardly believe that to be true, Courtley. One simply doesn’t go around threatening to arrest generals when you’re a mere judge advocate!”
    â€œSo that’s what the General really thinks, is it? A judge advocate ranks beneath him in some way. Well,