Free Maybe Forever (Maybe... Book 3) by Kim Golden

arranged was taking good care of her. Another reason to feel guilty. Another way Laney made things easy for me, shouldering my responsibility when she had enough to do. I ended up riding my bike across Fredensbro and over to Norreport Station. I needed a break from the heat of the city, from my empty home...I needed to be near the sea again.
     
    Taking the train to Humle bæ k always felt like returning to my childhood. When my mother was still alive, when we were still living with my father, we always escaped to my grandmother's house on days when my mum would say the sea was calling. She and my grandmother would lock arms and walk barefoot along the beach while I ran ahead, oblivious to the turmoil my mother was dealing with. Even when Laney and I came out here together, it was much the same. She and my grandmother would walk together while I ran ahead with the kids, whooping and hollering with them, chasing seagulls as the waves lapped the shore. I didn't stop to look back unless Freya or Liv began to panic about the distance. They needed to see Laney, wave to her and make sure she hadn't suddenly vanished. But she was always there, waving back to them and calling out how much she loved them.
    I lowered my head into my hands and swore. Maybe this was a bad idea. My grandmother's house wouldn't be neutral territory, devoid of any reminders of my wife and our life together. Farmor probably had more photos of us than we had ourselves. The train rumbled along the tracks, leaving the city behind and heading through the green, flat countryside. Denmark wasn't full of dramatic terrain but there was something beautiful in its rolling hills, but this too reminded me of Laney. The hills like the curves of her hips, her breasts...  Someone once said it was a terrible sign of weakness to want your wife too much. I suppose I was weak, then. I loved every inch of her. I squandered her love but that didn't stop me from lusting for her, wanting to strip her naked and taste her.  That night...when we finally made love again, the heat of her skin, her sweet, milky scent mingled with the soapy scent of my skin...how she gripped me, pulled me in, I was lost in her...lost in that feeling of rediscovering my wife. I thought we were forgiving one another.
    When I raised my head again, the train was pulling into Humle bæ k Station. I joined the other passengers filing off the train. That's when I saw him—my father, Benjamin Rasmussen, at the ticket machine. We had not seen one another in several weeks. Not since Laney had invited him over for a Sankt Hans barbecue.
    " Hej , far ." I ducked my head at him. "Have you been to visit farmor ?"
    My father continued adding his coins to the machine methodically, counting out each coin without answering me. The same grim face he always wore except when he could see his granddaughters. At least he showed them the love and affection he never extended to me.
    I waited. Once the machine printed his ticket, he peered at it, making certain it was correct. Now my father finally looked at me, giving me a once-over, as Laney called it, before he said, "It's good to see you, Mads. I was going to come by your workshop today, but now you have saved me a trip into the city."
    "You look good, far ." His skin looked healthier and he'd gained some weight. Had he stopped drinking? I wanted to ask him, but even now our relationship was not like that.
    Benjamin grunted dismissively. He wasn't one for small talk. "You should know. Laney and the little ones came to see me. Before she went to the airport."
    "You saw her?"
    "Yes, she wanted me to know she was going away for a while. She didn't want me to worry."
    The irony of it was like a swift kick to the head. She didn't want my father to worry. She didn't even see my father that often, did she?
    "You know, she brings the girls to visit me. Sometimes we meet at La Glace for cake and coffee." My father checked the clock, then shook his head. "She wasn't in a good way