doesnât have a gun. Heâd piss in his pants if he ever saw a gun. He just has a tiny member and a great, big SUV.â
âWell, itâs a bad habit. Every housewife is packing a pistol lately.â
âWhich is why you tailgated that guy who cut you off at the GeorgiaAve. exit the other day and got out and yelled at him at the first traffic light until he cried.â
Johnny has a wide, thin mouth and a long, easy grin that tilts up and sideways. When he smiled, I saw my fatherâs smile again.
âLouise,â I reminded him. âYou were going to put your cute little mind to remembering what set her off.â
âHow should I know about Louise? I canât do anything right with her these days.â
âThe other night. Think back, Johnny. You can do it.â
âWe went out to White Flint and got the shoes and I thanked her, and I even took her to dinner in Georgetown at that place she likes, La Pommette, and then we walked along the canal down by the lock where the touring barge is tied up, you know where that is.â
I knew. It was a beautiful spot where the path wound down among maple trees and old row houses. Very secluded.
âThen I asked her if sheâd be a reader at the wedding and she said she hated getting up in front of people at these things. And I said, what about Cousin Andreaâs wedding, where you got drunk and tried to do the Texas two-step during the brideâs dance with her father? And she said, why didnât I ever remember the times when she acted charming? Why did I only remember the times she made a fool of herself?
And I said I thought she
was
charming at Andreaâs wedding, I even said adorable. Then she got really mad, said I was making fun of her and that she would prefer to be a guest at the wedding just like everyone else. And then she wanted to go home.â
Poor Louise. Shopping for him as if she were his wife, eating dinner together in the gauzy light of La Pommetteâs back room, strolling along the most romantic stretch of the towpath. Then being asked by Johnny not if sheâd ever thought of him as more than a cousin, but if sheâd agree to read from Kahlil Gibran at his wedding to Betsey. If he hadnât been driving, Iâd have slugged him.
âJohnny,â I said, âdid it ever occur to you that you could have, how can I put it, feelings for Louise?â
âFeelings?â
We were almost at the corner where Mass Ave. doglegs over to the station. There was no time to be tactful.
âRomantic feelings. Itâs not like youâre actually related, you know.
Not blood related.â
âAre you crazy, Nicky?â
âJohnny, Louise is the only person youâve ever really trusted one hundred percent. Even with me and Mike and Joey, you keep your guard up that one little tiny bit. Iâm not blaming you. But Louise has always been the exception. So why are you planning to spend the rest of your life with someone else?â
I almost said, âwith someone as boring and stupid as Betsey,â but I didnât want to push it.
âLouise has always considered me like a brother,â said Johnny. âSheâs never given me a second thought.â
âA second thought? Louise would donate a kidney for you.â
âA romantic second thought, I mean. Has Louise ever said anything to lead you to believe she cares about me in any romantic way?â
âNo, but I know. I
know,
Johnny.â
âExcuse me if I donât want to bet my future on your womanâs intuition, Nicky. Besides, if I ever say anything to Louise and she looks at me like Iâm certifiable, there goes our friendship. I could never hang out with her again.â
âJohnny, youâre not going to be able to hang out with her much once youâre married to Betsey. You think Betseyâs going to let you out of the house every Wednesday night to watch
Law and Order
with Louise?