Free Weirder Than Weird by Francis Burger Page B

work, sir!” The doctor’s voice had suddenly changed, sounding quite serious and judgmental.
        “Ha! Yeah right!” Sal replied. “As soon as I’m able I have a score to settle at home!”
        Just then he felt a little foolish; had it not all been a wild hallucination as a result of his exposure to the chemicals? He laughed out loud at his own silliness.
        “I suppose it’s all just a big game to you, huh Mr. Berringer?” the doctor held a long cold stare over the top of the tent, his eyes were oddly shaped, dark and menacing. “Well then!” he blurted out, “In that case… I’ll need your assistance here, nurse!”
        Sal looked perplexed. “Did I say something wrong?” but there was no response, he only heard the doctor say to the nurse, “Now for a generous amount right there… now some on this area…fine, that should do it.” An arm appeared momentarily from the side of the tent and placed a bottle on a tray at the foot of the bed. Sal’s vision was starting to clear, he looked at the bottle, it was somehow familiar. Two objects that looked like masks were suddenly tossed to the side then what appeared as four black spikes could be seen bobbing up and down behind the tent. Despite the anesthetic, an aggressive tugging on his foot could be felt, as well as an increase in pain.
        “What the hell is going on down there!” Sal screamed. His vision was almost back to normal now and he finally recognized the bottle on the tray as sweat poured down his puffy cheeks.     
        “That’s… that’s Log Cabin Syrup!”
        He then remembered something that literally stopped his breath… the doctor… his name… Doctor Tapinoma… Tapinoma…TAPINOMA!
        “MY GOD!” he screamed out loud. “THAT’S A SPECIES OF ANT!”
     
     

IT’S WHAT’S FOR DINNER
     
         “Star Command, this is Starship X-1. Do you copy?”
         “Go ahead X-1.”
         “Star Command, I’ve been fighting this damn thing for the past hour and it looks like I’m going have to set X-1 down on one of these small planets to get a look at her thrusters. She’s been responding like a drunken sailor and I don’t want to take any chances once I’m back out in deep space. Copy?”
          There was a long pause as static filled the transmission, then...
         “Ah… Starship X-1, you have permission to land, just send back you’re coordinates once you’re firmly on the ground.”
         “Ten four Command.”
         The pilot turned his attention to the observation window. He was entering a very unusual sector of space, one filled with the most bizarre and unexplainable sights imaginable. Fortunately, he spotted a small planetoid directly below that looked decent enough to risk a landing. “This will have to do.” he said to himself, and proceeded with the twisting of dials and the throwing of levers. Reverse thrusters shot out long jets of gas as the lumbering spacecraft started to make its descent. The controls felt extremely sluggish in his hands as though trying to steer an elephant through a tight maze but the spacecraft dutifully inched its way toward the planet’s surface, making what he would consider one of the all-time ugliest landings. The pilot immediately shut down the engine and a cruel shudder reverberated throughout the ship, finally settling into quietness. He took a deep draught of air into his lungs and sighed
    with relief.
         “Star Command, Starship X-1 has landed successfully.”
         “Roger, X-1.”
         The pilot glanced down at one of the glowing green screens on his control panel. “I’m now punching in my coordinates. I’ll be suiting up and exiting the ship momentarily to survey any damage.”
    “Copy that, X-1. Just keep us updated.”
    Within a short time, the pilot was fully suited and stepped through the ship’s air lock. The outer door opened, accompanied by a swish of air and he cautiously