Free B00BUGFFGW EBOK by Megan Boyle

nervous to chew mint or other leafy herbs. it feels dangerous
    i have licked chocolate syrup off of a penis
    a few nights ago, i was drunk and started eating this olive hummus with 'pretzel crisps.' i watched the last ten minutes of 'the other boelyn girl' on HBO as i ate. since then, every time i try to eat the hummus/chips i have a mental picture of natalie portman looking sad before her head gets cut off, which doesn't really bother me, but it's not what usually happens when i eat hummus/chips, so i feel kind of disoriented
    i've eaten an entire jar of pickles in one sitting
    i used to eat ketchup packets from fast food places. i still do sometimes. not all at once, i like to suck on them gradually
    kind of can't believe sprite is a successful soda. how is that a successful soda? it seems so much less 'hard' than cola or fruit flavored sodas. i like it, though
    i probably consume an average of 800-1400 calories per day
    if i had to have sex with any food, penis-shaped things aside, it would probably be rice noodles. rice noodles with no sauce. the texture is kind of 'sexy,' i think

2.13.10
    there was a big snowstorm and i didn't have school or work last week
    minimal contact with other humans, minimal showering
    on thursday night i drank a bottle of wine by myself and some old friends from high school simultaneously texted me '14/m/md wanna cyber'
    then we had text message cyber sex
    they would send me text messages at the same time
    think i took it up the butt and got it in the mouth and face too, said i wanted to be 'blinded with cum' then 'sat on their faces'
    i asked where they were and they were too far away for me to hang out with them
    a few minutes later i drunk dialed my mom and told her i loved her and didn't want her to die, ever
    the light in my living room looked pretty from the snow at night

2.27.10
    one time a guy i dated told me i should 'be careful' because if i gained weight it would mostly happen in my thighs
    then he said 'just kidding' or something
    one time at a bar a stranger passed me and said 'you're cute, too bad your bangs aren't'
    one time at a club, an acquaintance said to me after putting amyl nitrate under my nose and telling me to smell it, 'you have like the worst footing of anyone i've ever danced with'
    an ex-boyfriend said he would rather have me lose ten pounds than gain ten pounds
    i told him if he shaved his head i would gain ten pounds to spite him
    approximately five men have told me, unsolicited, that i give 'the best' blowjobs
    approximately three have told me that, solicited
    the last guy i had sex with invited the man who lives above me to bring his dog down to my apartment
    the dog jumped up and down and breathed really hard and fast and scared my cats
    now the man who lives above me asks if he can bring his dog over every time i see him
    two men have given me their phone numbers in the past week and a half
    one of them interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me to call him 'if i was bored'
    the other one repeatedly insisted we were going to eat ice cream together. his name was vinnie. i stored his name as 'vinnie do not answer' in my phone
    i think i've masturbated four times in 2010

3.14.10
    today i was supposed to go the beach with people from school
    i tried on a bathing suit earlier and am still wearing it
    according to my mom's scale i have lost 13 pounds since christmas
    i watched a christian bale movie with lots of 'explicit movie sex' while eating leftover sushi and trying not to feel offended by its texture
    i wanted to have sex with christian bale
    his nose is good
    his mouth and eyebrows are also really, really good
    i have no conception of his nipple orientation
    his nipples could be on his stomach somewhere
    they showed his penis in the movie briefly, it was shocking, like the camera was definitely not supposed to show his penis, it just kind of panned down 'curiously'
    i can't believe i'm still wearing the bathing suit, i think it's been over six hours
    if i ever