Free Perfectly Unpredictable by Linda O'Connor

wanted to hold them, touch them, spend time with them. I don’t know.” She
shrugged. “It’s hard to explain. I just knew.”
    “I never really considered whether I prefer
men or women. Just assumed, well . . . men.”
    Krista looked over and smiled. “Making love
with another woman is special. We know what feels good. Having the same parts
and all.” She looked at Kalia speculatively. “Want to try again?”
    Krista slid her hand around to Kalia’s back
and slowly stroked. Her other hand slipped under Kalia’s top and mirrored the movement
on the front. She pushed Kalia’s bra aside and touched her bare breast, tracing
circles around her nipple. She leaned in and brushed her lips to Kalia’s,
nipping and gently tugging as she stroked her skin.
    Kalia slowly leaned back and pulled away. “Mmm,
you’re good Krista. It felt good, but . . .”
    “But . . .” Krista echoed.
    “But, yeah, um, I’m not gay. Yeah, sorry,
but no.”
    “I’m sorry too, Kalia. I really wanted to be
a family with you and Mani.” She leaned back and closed her eyes. “But I want
someone to love me back. You know, really love me.”
    “I’m not it, Krista.”
    Krista opened her eyes and shook her head
slowly. “No. No, you’re not it. And you know what else?”
    “No. What?”
    “I’ve realized I don’t really like kids. They
are a royal pain in the ass. They don’t sleep. All they do is eat and poop. And
they stink.” She shook her head. “And diaper changing? Gross beyond words. They
tie you down and rule over you. I don’t think I’ll be a parent any time soon.”
    Kalia laughed. “Okay. Good to know. I love
the whole thing – the fact that this little human being needs me,
and I can give him what he needs. I may not always be the best at it, but I
love trying. I love having Mani.”
    “It was the right decision for you. And I’m
glad I was around to help, but I think it’s time I stepped out. Will you be all
right?”
    “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll have to be.” She
smiled sadly. “But I don’t want you out of my life completely. You’ll be nearby,
won’t you?”
    “Of course. Regular infrequent visits.” She
squeezed Kalia’s hand. “I’ll miss you, Kalia. I’ll always love you.”
    “I love you too, Krista,” Kalia said,
giving Krista a hug.
    “I’ll get my things together.”
    Kalia nodded as tears threatened. It wasn’t
fair to Krista to make this any harder. But . . . another loss. Another person
she loved, leaving.
    She couldn’t pretend to be something she
wasn’t. And it wasn’t fair to Krista. As hard as it was, she had to let her go.
It was a little bit frightening to think about coping on her own, but, sink or
swim, she needed to start. It had been a godsend to have Krista all this time. For
the comfort, the confidence building, and the day-to-day stuff. How did single
moms cope with all that?
    She sighed.
    She was about to find out.

 

Chapter 11

 
 
    Four hours later, Kalia seriously reconsidered
Krista’s proposition. She rocked Mani as his little body contorted with another
cramp, legs pumping, fists clenched, and tears running down his tiny face. Kalia
tried changing his diaper, offered a breast, patted his back, rubbed his belly,
walked, rocked, sang, and paced. He was inconsolable.
    He’s healthy. It’s just colic. It’s just a
phase, she reassured herself as she held him.
    Are you sure? a little voice screamed in
her head as Mani wailed and wailed again. He’s in pain. He’s seriously ill. I’m
a terrible mother, she fretted. With Krista, they had taken turns and passed
Mani off. Fifteen minutes with the screaming and fifteen minutes away. Oh Krista, please come back. I can’t do this.
    Okay, I need to focus on something
peaceful. She straightened her spine. She looked outside the back door and
watched as the setting sun caught a neighbor’s glass sun catcher. She cradled
Mani and walked out onto the porch. She took deep, easy breaths and focused on
trying