Free Following My Toes by Laurel Osterkamp Page B

missed Peter. Sure, I knew that ultimately I was better off without him, but my heartbreak refused to disappear so easily. In my weakest moments I allowed myself to fantasize about him coming back to me. In these fantasies he would admit how foolish he had been, how much he loved me, how much he needed me. Of course, at first I would refuse him, but after many apologies and groveling attempts to win back my heart, I would finally relent, and we would have a tearfully bittersweet and passionate reunion.
    I knew such thoughts were like a high-protein diet – instantly gratifying yet ultimately dangerous to your heart. I wanted to believe that even if Peter came back, I wouldn’t accept him. After all, there was the whole Lacey issue. But I was scared I would never love another man as much as I had loved him.
    I was desperate, and in more ways than one.
    For desperate was also the perfect word to describe how I felt as I called the names on my roommate referral list.
    “Hello, is this Sky?”
    A raspy voice answered. “Yeah, this is Sky.”
    “Um, hi, my name is Faith. I got your number from roommate referrals?”
    She waited a good five seconds before she responded, “Oh, yeah, hi.”
    “Hi. So are you still looking for a roommate?”
    “Yeah, I’m still looking. I haven’t had any luck so far in finding someone good. It’s amazing how many freaks there are out there.”
    “Oh yeah? That’s too bad. Well, you’re the first person I’ve called, so I haven’t had that experience yet....”
    “Uh huh. Look, I have three questions I always ask the people who want to move in with me. The way you answer will determine whether or not you’re okay. Are you ready?”
    “Um, sure.”
    “Great. Question number one. Do you believe that wild animals have souls? If your answer is yes, does that mean that killing them is murder? Make sure you answer honestly.”
    “Isn’t that actually two questions?”
    “Just answer.” she demanded.
    “Sure,” I said. “I don’t know. My sister Margaret does, she works for Green Peace, and refuses to eat meat.”
    “Yeah? That would help me out a lot if it was your sister who wanted to move in. Seeing as how it’s you, we’ll move on. Question number two...”
    “Wait,” I said. “I can expand on question number one. I only need a second to think it through.”
    But Sky had no time. “Question number two. Which of the following is the cutest:
    a. puppies,
    b. kittens,
    c. bunnies,
    d. babies,
    e. turtles.”
    “Um, it depends. I’ve seen some ugly babies and some cute turtles, you know? But that doesn’t mean that turtles are cuter than babies in most cases. It’s hard to say.”
    Sky let out an exasperated sigh. “But generally. Obviously there are exceptions to any rule, but I need to know which you would prefer in most situations.”
    I gulped. I felt like I was on a game show, and a million dollars was at stake. “Okay. Kittens then.” “Great. Final question. Have you ever been or would you ever consider being in a threesome?”
    I wasn’t sure I heard her right. “When you say threesome, do you mean, like in bed?”
    “No, I mean as in ‘The Three Musketeers’ type threesome.”
    “Look,” I replied. “I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, but I don’t think that this is going to work.”
    “Fine!” she yelled. “You’re just like all the rest of them!” and with that she hung up on me.
    I told myself it was no big deal. She was only the first person I talked to. There were bound to be some weirdos out there, and it was up to me to weed them out. The next person on the list was a guy. I admit, the idea of moving in with a man I didn’t know seemed too much like the premise of the bad Lifetime suspense movie, but I called anyway.
    I called, and he picked up on the first ring. “Thithith Thteve,” he said.
    “I’m sorry. Is this Steve Robbins?”
    “Yup!” He said. “Thithith Thteve.”
    Oops. His lisp was so pronounced that I