Free Despicable Me by Annie Auerbach, Cinco Paul, Ken Daurio Page A

behind the counter.
    The thing is, Gru doesn’t have a regular job like other people. He’s a professional villain. So he drives an armored car, carries around a Freeze Ray, and lives in a big, scary house. In the middle of a typical street in typical suburbia sits Gru’s very atypical home. It is all black—the roof, the siding, the door… even the tree in the front yard.
    He walks through the living room, carrying his coffee and muffin. When he gets to the couch, he looks down over his long, pointy nose and frowns. Sprawled out on the couch is his pet dog, Kyle, who looks like a cross between a pit bull and a piranha. The dog is in Gru’s spot, so the villain nudges him. The dog opens one eye and looks at his master. Then he closes it, going back to sleep. Gru nudges him again, a little harder. Kyle snores louder, clearly not going anywhere. Gru uses his foot to move the dog over and finally sits down to enjoy hiscoffee and muffin. He is about to turn on the TV when—
    DING-DONG!
    Gru sighs. He grudgingly gets up and goes to see who is at the front door. He looks through the peephole and grimaces. It’s his next-door neighbor, Mr. McDade.
    “Oh, hello, Fred,” Gru says, opening the door.
    “Hey, Gru,” replies Mr. McDade. “I just wanted to talk to you about your house.”
    Still standing inside, Gru repeatedly pushes a button labeled TRAP DOOR , but it doesn’t seem to be working. The front porch shudders, but Mr. McDade remains standing.
    Mr. McDade chuckles nervously. “Ooh, gotta fix that porch,” he says. Then he clears his throat and continues. “I just wanted to make sure you’d gotten the homeowners associationnotice about the unapproved exterior color, and the, uh, overall creepiness.”
    “Yes, I got it. It was wonderful,” replies Gru. Then he slams the door shut.
    “All righty, then,” Mr. McDade says through the door. “Good seeing you, Gru.”
    A few minutes later, just as Gru raises the muffin to his mouth for a bite, the doorbell rings. Again.
    Gru storms to the door, ready to let his neighbor have it. “Come on, Fred. Get a life, man!”
    Before he opens the door, he hears a little girl’s voice on the other side.
    “Helloooo? Cookies for sale!”
    Gru looks through the peephole and sees three little girls. They’re selling Miss Hattie’s Cookies—one of them carries a clipboard to write down orders.
    “Go away,” Gru says through the door. “I’m not home.”
    “Yes, you are,” says Margo, the tallest girl. “I heard you.”
    “No, you didn’t…. This… is a recording,” pretends Gru.
    Margo isn’t convinced. “No, it isn’t.”
    “Yes, it is—watch this,” replies Gru. “Leave a message. BEEP.”
    Margo and the other two girls, Edith and Agnes, turn to leave.
    “Good-bye, recorded message!” Agnes calls, still standing at the door and clutching a stuffed unicorn.
    “Agnes, come on,” says Margo.
    Finally returning to the couch, Gru turns on the TV. But instead of his favorite television show, the screen flashes the words INCOMING CALL .
    Dr. Nefario’s face fills the screen. The scientist works for Gru and is calling with some bad news.
    “Gru, in spite of what happened today, to me you will always be one of the greats.”
    Gru just looks at Dr. Nefario in confusion. He has no idea what’s going on.
    “It’s all over the news,” Dr. Nefario explains. “Some guy just stole a pyramid!”
    Gru attempts to process this information. Is this the end of his career? How could this happen? Then, the villain puts a determined look on his face. He’s not going down without a fight!

CHAPTER TWO

    “Assemble the minions!”
    —Gru

    Gru shuts off the television and runs to a large steel chair shaped like a giant rhino. That’s right. A rhino. Horn and everything. He sits down and immediately presses a button on the remote control built into the rhino’s leg. He is pushed forward, and a cannon hanging from the ceiling rotates and faces him. The cannon