Free Chocolate Horse by Bonnie Bryant Page A

are you going to wear?”
    “Oh, it’s a barn dance—you know, a square dance,” she said. “I’ve got a real cowboy shirt that I bought when I went out to the dude ranch with Carole and Lisa. I got a hat then, too. It’s a little battered, but that’sthe way they’re supposed to be. I mean, if you don’t have any dust or dents on your hat, everybody just thinks you’re a dude. My hat is battle worn. That proves that I’m a real cowpoke, at least that’s what Eli says. He’s the wrangler. He even wears a bandanna that he puts over his mouth and nose so he looks like a bank robber, except that it’s really just to keep the dust out of his lungs.”
    “Will you wear one of those, too?” Beverly asked.
    “No, of course not,” Stevie answered. Then she paused, looking over at her brother, who was still chatting on the phone. “In fact, I won’t be wearing any of it, because I’m not going to the dance.”
    “Why not?”
    “Him,” Stevie said, pointing at her brother. “A whole bunch of relatives are coming into town for the weekend to see him, and then he’s coming home on Sunday, so I have to be home. I can’t be thinking of myself all the time, can I?”
    It was a pretty good question, and Beverly took a minute to think about it before she answered.
    “Not all the time, no,” she said, speaking slowly, thoughtfully. “I guess not. But—”
    Beverly’s answer was interrupted by the beeper that called her to another patient. Stevie knew the answer though.
    She couldn’t keep on thinking about herself. She had to think about Alex. She had to think about her mother and her father and her other brothers. She shouldn’t think about Phil, Carole, Lisa, horses, riding, dances, fun, laughter, enjoyment, tricks, practical jokes, tall tales, or anything else she’d ever liked in her whole life. She had to think about school and homework and Alex. Alex. Alex. The frustrating part was that there he was, not even caring that Stevie was there to see him, that she’d been there to see him for hours every day since he’d first gone into the hospital. She’d sat in that hall and done more boring homework assignments than she ever could have imagined. And he didn’t care. All he cared about was a video game and his friend Josh and a stupid old
Star Trek
that he’d already memorized.
    Stevie felt totally overwhelmed as she had never felt before. Her world seemed a mass of homework and resentment. Then she felt bad about feeling resentment. Then she felt worse about all the fun she was missing. Then she felt worse still about feeling bad about all the fun she was missing.
    She stood up from the bench, grabbed her jacket, and walked, leaving the mess of papers, books, and undone assignments just where they were.
    She had to get out of the hospital. Alex didn’t needher then. Nobody needed her. She had to leave. She had to go home.
    She walked through the hospital door and into the chilly late afternoon before she realized it. She walked all the way home. It was a long walk, more than five miles, but she never noticed any of it. Her parents, Chad, and Michael were all eating dinner when she arrived.
    “Stevie, I was going to bring you—” her mother began.
    “I don’t want any,” she said. “I’m not hungry.”
    “How’s Alex?” Chad asked.
    “He’s gotten to the seventh level of Maxx Racer.”
    “Stevie, are you—?”
    “I’m tired,” Stevie said, cutting off her father’s question. “I’m going to bed.”
    “Yo, dork, it’s only seven o’clock!” Michael teased her, a little surprised by his sister’s behavior. “What are you—some kind of a baby?”
    “Then it’s almost past your bedtime,
baby
brother,” she shot back. It wasn’t a very good put-down, but it was the best she could come up with on a second’s notice, and it felt good to deliver it to a deserving little brother.
    Without further word Stevie ran up to her bedroom and threw herself on her bed. The tears came