Free Chase of a Lifetime by Ryan Field

sorry. I
wanted it to be nicer for you.”
    Jim shrugged. He turned off the lights.
“It’s not that bad. It’s not like we’re moving in here.” He wondered how long
they would be there. Did people have sex for hours? Did it last all night?
Would Len just fuck him like he’d seen in porn films and then go back down to
his car?
    Len crossed to where Jim stood beside the
bed. He put his arms around him, leaned forward, and took in the scent of Jim’s
hair. Jim’s legs felt shaky; his mouth felt dry again. But he was determined to
go through with this no matter what. With one quick move, he grabbed the back
of Len’s head and pulled it toward his face. He kissed him so hard their teeth
smacked together. Then he stepped back, took a deep breath, and said, “Okay. I
guess we’d better get undressed now.” He wanted to turn off the lights, but
didn’t want to sound inexperienced.
    Len caressed the side of Jim’s face and
laughed. “I know you’re a little nervous. It’s going to be okay. I’d never do
anything to harm you, Jim.”
    He’d always imagined his first time would be
with someone his age, and with someone like Cain Mayfield, not Len Mayfield. Jim
turned to face the wall. “I know that. I’m not nervous. It’s just a little
awkward because you’re so much older.” He regretted saying this this the moment
the words exited his mouth. He didn’t want Len to think he wasn’t attracted to
him or that Len’s age mattered to him in a physical sense. He figured he’d
better keep his mouth shut from then on so he wouldn’t say anything else that
was stupid.
    Len shrugged, as if he didn’t know what to
say. “I’m thirty-seven.”
    Jim’s head went up. “You’re only
thirty-seven. I thought you were my dad’s age, forty-nine. Cain and I are the
same age.” He tilted his head and said, “You’re not that old.” He felt like kicking himself. He should have stopped
when he was ahead.
    Len laughed. “I was confused as a teenager.
In those days it was even worse for men like me. I thought that if I fought my
attraction to men and dated girls I’d eventually grow out of it. I actually
once thought being attracted to men was a stage I was going through. I wound up
getting my wife pregnant when we were both sixteen. That’s how we wound up in Texas and how I became a
fake cowboy. Our families moved us here to live with friends because they
didn’t want anyone back east to know I’d knocked her up, so to speak. We liked
it so much we never left. And, on a certain level, I think we both resented
them sending us down here. We actually remained here to prove a point. If they
were going to shun us, we’d shun them right back…forever.”
    At least this explained why Len looked so
much younger than Jim’s father. Though thirty-seven was still ancient to
someone who was twenty-one, it made Jim   breathe a little easier knowing Len was sixteen
years his senior instead of twenty-six years. “You look like you’re even
younger than that.”
    Len smiled. “Thank you. That’s the nicest
compliment anyone has paid me in years. Trying to recapture what I lost all those
years isn’t easy. It’s not really possible. A happy ending is the chase of a
lifetime for men like us. Few ever really get one.”
    “Are you out of the closet?” He wasn’t
trying to pry into Len’s personal affairs. He wasn’t out of the closet and he
was wondering if they had this in common.
    “Only with my wife,” Len said. “No one else
knows about me except you. I don’t see other men unless I’m out of town. I
promised my wife that as long as we remain married I wouldn’t embarrass her.”
He laughed. “But that was a while ago. Lately, with this tennis instructor
she’s been seeing, she’s starting to
embarrass me.”
    “I’m sorry,” Jim said. He didn’t know what
else to say. “I’m sure she’s not doing it on purpose.” Now that he’d heard
this, he didn’t feel so awful about sleeping with Mrs.