Free Stalking the Vampire by Mike Resnick Page A

funeral procession. A gang of tough-looking trolls was carrying a dead troll on their shoulders, followed by a weeping gremlin girl and a gang of gremlins. Suddenly, as if by mutual consent, they all broke into dance.
    â€œWhat the hell was that ?” asked Mallory.
    â€œTony and Maria and their gangs,” said a medic, who was examining a corpse at the next table. “They're here every night. They never got over that damned play.”
    â€œSo they're just acting?”
    â€œNot at all,” said the medic. “Tony's as dead as a doornail.”
    â€œAnd they bring him by every night?” said Mallory. “He must not be turning into any nosegay.”
    â€œOh, he smells all right,” said the medic. “After all, he's only been dead for maybe half an hour.”
    â€œSo all the other nights were just rehearsals for tonight?” asked Mallory.
    â€œNo, he was dead every night.”
    â€œWhat am I not understanding here?” asked Mallory.
    â€œIt's a mild case of death,” replied the medic. “Hardly ever proves fatal. And it gives us a little entertainment, too. Believe me, we can use it in a place like this.”
    At just that moment the two gangs broke into song. A moment later Tony's corpse joined them.
    â€œFascinating,” said Mallory, who in truth was getting more annoyed than fascinated with all the distractions of the City Morgue.
    â€œOh, we get a lot of theatrical types in here,” offered the medic. “You see those three guys in the togas?”
    He pointed across the room at the three men who were engaged in an animated conversation over a body that was stretched out on a slab.
    â€œYeah?” said Mallory. “What about them?”
    â€œThey're checking each corpse to see if its name is Caesar.”
    â€œJulius?” asked Mallory.
    â€œWell, I'm sure they'd prefer Julius, but at this late date I think they'd happily settle for Augustus, or even Sid.”
    â€œWhat happens when they find him?”
    â€œThey each perform Caesar's funeral oration, of course,” said the medic. “I think it's some kind of drama school assignment. The last time they found a Caesar, the guy in the middle was so magnificent that the corpse itself stood up and applauded.” A pause. “By the way, you look exceptionally alive, as does your pet. Is there something I can help you with?”
    â€œA young man was killed earlier tonight and brought here.” Mallory flashed his detective's license. “I need to talk to the examining pathologist.”
    â€œI wish I could help you,” said the medic, “but we're already nearing the thousand mark for the night. You'll just have to look around.”
    â€œThat's what I've been doing. Would it help if I told you his name?”
    â€œWill he answer to it?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œThen it can hardly help, can it?” said the medic. “Keep a stiff upper lip, and best of luck to you.”
    The medic wandered off, and Mallory kept making his way among the beds and slabs.
    â€œYou don't get out of it this easily, Horace!” said a harsh feminine voice. Mallory turned and saw a woman who looked like the littermate to a pair of linebackers bent over a skinny, balding corpse that lay on its back with a peaceful expression on its face. “You promised to rake the leaves and paint the closets, and by God a little thing like a fatal heart attack isn't getting you off the hook. Are you listening to me, Horace?”
    Horace lay motionless on the slab.
    â€œI'm giving you one last chance, Horace!” she bellowed. “You get up right now, or we do it the hard way!”
    Horace didn't respond.
    â€œOkay,” she said, “you asked for it!” She nodded to a lean man dressed in a robe and a conical hat, both covered with the signs of the zodiac.
    The mage lit a candle at each end of the slab, rolled his eyes, and began chanting an ancient spell. He'd