Free Exposing ELE (ELE Series #3) by Courtney Nuckels, Rebecca Gober

only sleeping. That she can’t look this beautiful and really be dead. I realize I need to wake Sabby. He can’t miss these final bittersweet moments with his mom.
    I gently wake him up and a tear escapes his eye when he sees it’s me and not mom waking him. I sit him up, making him look at me. “Sabby, it’s time to say goodbye.” I want to say more to him, but I can’t think of what to say. So I take his hand and, together with my dad, we walk up to the open casket.
    Sebastian doesn’t waste a second reaching in to touch her cold skin. “Mommy.” He gives her a small shake as if he’s trying to wake her from a deep sleep.
    “Sabby,” I say, while bending down to his level. “It may look like she’s sleeping but really she’s not there. Her soul has left and is with the angels now.”
    His brown eyes stare up at me and his brows crinkle. “She’s wite here, Wello!” he demands. Tears begin to fall freely and I see he won’t understand. Not now… not till he’s older. I take him into my arms and watch as my father leans over and gives my mother’s lips a light kiss. He takes something out of his pocket and places it into her casket. It’s a very small stuffed animal that looks as if it’s seen better days. I remember the story behind it. It was the item my father gave to my mother on their first date at a carnival. He had tried to win her the big prize but ended up spending way too much money earning her only the little prize. She didn’t mind though. She always loved what it symbolized. I'm surprised she had found a way to keep it through everything that was going on.
    My dad takes Sebastian from my arms. “Take your time,” he says to me.
    I nod my head, not sure what to do. I stand alone, next to my mother’s lifeless body. I take her hand in mine and rub it like she used to do with me when I was little. “Mommy,” I say through the tears. I can’t get much out before I lose it, falling to my knees next to her casket. “Mommy, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” The guilt and blame are eating me alive and I feel like this is all my fault. I feel like I killed her and it’s killing me inside.
    I don’t know how long I stay kneeled by her casket, holding my mother’s hand. The next thing I remember is Claire coming to my side and helping me to my feet. Her cheeks are stained with tears as well. “Claire,” I confess. “I don’t know how to let go.” I look down at my mother’s hand in mine. “If I let her go, I’ll never see her again.” I begin to panic, my breathing increases.
    “Willow,” Claire reasons. “You will see her again someday. Just not in this lifetime. She’s looking down from above admiring what an amazing legacy she left behind. She wouldn’t want you to cry like this for her. She would want you say goodbye, to remember all the good times and the fun times you shared together. She would want you to help your father and little brother. She once told me you were the strong one… the glue to the family.”
    I look in Claire’s eyes. “She said that?” I ask her.
    She nods her head. “Yes, and she meant it.”
    I bite my lip knowing that time is drawing this to an end. I take a flower from the bouquet she’s holding and clutch it in my hand. “I’m going to dry this so I’ll always remember her sacrifice and what she did for me… for all of us.” I take one last look at my mother and turn my back. Realizing it’s not forever makes me feel a little better.
    Tony and the other soldiers are the pallbearers. Someone plays a beautiful melody on the violin as we follow my mother's casket outside. Near the trees, we stop around a small hole made in the dirt. I hold on tight to my father and my brother's hands as we watch them slowly lower my mother into the ground.
    Alec and Connor stand to the side with shovels in their hands. I hadn't seen them inside the hotel earlier. I hadn't seen much of anything, though, through the tears and the pain. When it's their