Free Highland Chieftain by Hannah Howell

even as she put her hand in his. He tugged her down next to him, on the side of his good leg. When he put his arm around her shoulders, she slumped against him. It was weak, she thought, but it was good to have the sympathy. Being held so close to him was enough to ease some of the ache in her heart.
    â€œFour bodies?” he asked, giving in to temptation and resting his cheek against her hair.
    â€œAye. My sisters.”
    â€œYe are certain they are all girls?”
    â€œKerr wouldnae kill a boy. E’en Colin said that. Aye, they are all girls. And, save for one, I think they were all born alive. One was too small. It could have died simply because it was born too early. But it explains why my mother insisted I stay with her when she labored with Margaret. She clung to my hand. She knew. He knew too. He hung about until he kenned I was going nowhere and then left. He was angry, too. Mother was pleased.”
    â€œSo, no midwife.”
    â€œNay. He ne’er allowed one. Said women were made to have bairns. They didnae need any help.”
    â€œI am sorry, Bethoc. Sorry that ye can ne’er be certain, either.”
    She nodded. The uncertainty over how the babies had died would probably always trouble her. Each had stolen a piece of her mother’s heart and mind. All she could do was pray that, if they had been born alive, Kerr had killed them before burying them.
    â€œYe realize ye dinnae call him Father any longer.” Her eyes widened in surprise and she looked up at him. She knew she had constantly told herself she should stop calling him Father. Yet she was not sure exactly when she had stopped. At some time even the habit of it had just stopped. He had simply become Kerr in her mind, and her heart. The few times she spoke to him she did not call him by any name at all.
    â€œAye, I suppose I have. Sad, isnae it.”
    â€œAye”—he brushed a kiss over her temple—“but ye have made the family he didnae give you. Ye have been the mother to all those lads dragged off the streets.”
    â€œNay a verra good one,” she muttered. “They still got hit.”
    â€œWhat did I say about this guilt ye wish to carry?” He tilted her face up to his and kissed the tip of her nose.
    â€œThat I am a wee lass who couldnae stop him,” she said, and grimaced. “I ken it. I do and ye are right in all ye say. Yet I cannae stop thinking that I should have been able to do something about it all. It just doesnae seem right that one mon can hold so many others with just the power of his fists.”
    â€œIt wasnae just that. He got the lads when they were little. May weel have gotten them off the street. What did they have? With him they had a place to sleep and food to eat. A powerful temptation. All they had to do was avoid his fists.”
    â€œAnd as Colin said, they had nowhere to go anyway,” she murmured.
    â€œAye, so why leave. And, they had you.”
    â€œOh, I dinnae think they thought on that much.”
    He decided not to argue with her about that. She could not see how she had become a mother to them all. Instead he turned her in his arms so that he could kiss her more thoroughly.
    Bethoc gave herself over to his kiss. She hated to admit it, but it was why she had come. She had missed the feel of being in his arms, of the sheer delight she got from kissing him. It was a delight that lingered in her thoughts long after she left his side. By the time he pulled away she could barely catch her breath and she rested her head against his chest. It pleased her to hear his heart pound and his breathing was also harsh, as if he too was having difficulty.
    Callum rubbed her back and Bethoc smiled. It was nice to just lie curled up beside him and be soothed. She did not really need soothing but enjoyed it too much to move. Finally, however, she had to sit up, for time was passing and she did not want to get home after Kerr had returned. The man asked too