Free A Life That Fits by Heather Wardell Page B

for
me to high-five her.
    I did, while Tina and Elaine rolled their
eyes, then Elaine said, "It's too bad Annie's not here. She'd love
the lame one. And she needs some diversion after the week she's
had."
    Tina frowned. "What's wrong?"
    Elaine shook her head. "She should have known
better. You don't pick up a guy on the rebound. Especially not like
this. Get this, before he dated her and most of her friends he was
in a fourteen-year relationship."
    All the air seemed to disappear from the
room, and my lungs, at once.
    Tina stared at me, for once seeming worried
about someone but herself. "Oh, God. Elaine..."
    "What was his name?" I managed to
whisper.
    Elaine looked between me and Tina, frowning.
"Alex. Why?"
    My body felt like all its parts were drifting
away from each other, dizzied and warped beyond recognition.
    "Are you okay?" Sonya put a hand on my
shoulder.
    The contact helped bring me back down to
earth, and I swallowed hard and made myself nod. "It's just..."
    "She dated Alex for fourteen years," Tina
supplied when I couldn't finish.
    Sonya dropped her hand to her side and
gasped, and Elaine said, "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have mentioned it
if I'd known."
    "You... you said he went through most of
Annie's friends?"
    "Don't torture yourself," Sonya said,
sounding near tears.
    I needed to know, though, so I held eye
contact with Elaine until she said, clearly reluctantly, "He left
you for Kelly but that only lasted about two weeks. Then he spent a
week or two with Janice and a bit less with Brenda before hooking
up with Annie. I think he's single now but I honestly don't
know."
    The names spun through my head and the dates
were like spikes on those spinning names, ripping through my heart.
He'd spent only two weeks with her ? Kelly? I hadn't even
been able to leave the house yet and he'd already left the person
he'd claimed was his soulmate.
    Tina gave my arm a squeeze. "You okay?"
    I shook my head. "He left me for her and it
didn't even last a month. I don't understand." A sob bubbled up
inside me but I forced it down. "How could he do that?"
    Elaine looked like she'd rather be anywhere
but there, but Sonya stepped into the breach. "Trying to understand
men isn't worth the effort. I bet he doesn't even know why."
    I nodded slowly. Probably true, since Alex
had never been the self-analytical type. I gave a deep sigh. "I'm
sorry, guys, I'm wrecking your evening."
    Elaine, notably, didn't respond, but Tina
gave me a quick hug and Sonya made the supreme sacrifice by saying,
"Want to go after 'eyes'? I'll let you have him."
    I couldn't help laughing, though there was
hysteria mixed with it. "That's so nice of you."
    She grinned, clearly relieved I was
recovering. "Hey, his friend isn't exactly hideous. I'll just take
him."
    Elaine and Tina protested this, and we moved
off the topic of Alex. At least, they did. I couldn't.
    Everything, everything , I'd done had
revolved around him. It still did, too. I hadn't thought about
whether I wanted to play clarinet, only about how Alex would
feel. Even the reversing project, which I'd tried to convince
myself was about expanding my horizons, was really about getting
Alex back. Reversing could also mean going backward, and by trying
so hard to remake myself into what Alex might want I'd completely
abandoned any hope of becoming what I might want.
    A poke in the shoulder made me jump, and Tina
said, "Do you want to go home?"
    "Yeah," I admitted. "I want to hide."
    Sonya winced but Tina gave me a half-smile.
"What's the reverse of that?"
    I had to laugh. What was the reverse of
letting this news about Alex force me back into hermit status?
    *****
    "Oh, I'm so glad you came out
tonight."
    I made myself smile at the delighted teenage
girl behind the ticket desk. "Me too. I just hope I remember how to
play."
    "It's like riding a bicycle. You never
forget."
    "I hope you're right." My last bike ride,
about ten years ago, had ended abruptly when I fell off and broke
my collarbone in two places.