Free A Life That Fits by Heather Wardell

gotten out of a very long
relationship. I'm seriously not ready for this, and to be honest I
shouldn't even be here. I don't want to lead you on, so I'm going
to say no."
    He stared at me and didn't speak, and the
silence stretched out to such a degree I was about to start
apologizing when he said, "Andrea, I don't think anyone's ever been
that up-front with me. I admire forthrightness, which makes it even
sadder that you're not interested in me."
    "I didn't say I wasn't interested in you , it's just--"
    He held up a hand. "If you thought we'd
connected nothing else would matter. It's okay. But look, how about
this? I'm going away on business for a month or so, leaving next
week. Can I call you when I get back?"
    I took a breath to refuse and he said,
" Not for a date. Just because I would like to get to know
you better. If we ever become something more, great, but if not...
well, I think I'd enjoy being your friend. My ex-wife played all
sorts of 'you should be able to read my mind' games and I hate that
stuff. God knows I wouldn't have to wonder what you thought about
things."
    I looked into his light blue eyes, waiting
for a spark. He seemed perfect. Why couldn't I feel anything for
him? No spark arrived, but I liked his honesty and his acceptance
of me, and maybe he was right and we could end up connecting some
day, so I smiled.
    He smiled back and shot me a wink. "Is that a
yes, my new friend?"
    I fumbled around in my purse then held out my
hand to him. "It is, my new friend."
    We shook hands, and I slipped him my business
card in blatant violation of the 'the guys give the girls their
numbers, never the other way around' rule we'd been told at the
beginning.
    "Cute, funny, and a rule breaker." He
shook his head. "You'll probably be married off by the time I get
back."
    I burst out laughing at the unlikeliness of
that and he grinned at me.
    The bell rang, and he said, "Truly a
pleasure, Andrea."
    I smiled. "Same to you."
    He left, and the next one took his place.
Then the next and the next and the next. Interchangeable men, and I
had no reaction to any of them. Alex still had my heart. Was there
no way to wrest it away from him?
     

Chapter Ten
    Tina and I sat in the steadily filling
theater Saturday night. She'd been on the phone when I arrived and
had given me a wave then continued on with her conversation as if I
weren't there, and I was trying not to feel ignored and flipping
through the program to pass the time before Jamie's play began.
    In the midst of the over-the-top bios and
effusive thanks written by the actors and crew I spotted a 'We need
clarinets!' advertisement and a wave of prickly heat swept me.
    In high school, I'd played clarinet well
enough that my music teacher had encouraged me to study it at
university. I hadn't wanted to, though. I'd claimed to be more
interested in business than music, which was true but not my only
reason. Alex was heavily into music himself, a classical pianist,
and he'd said many times, supposedly in jest but not really, that
music was his area not mine. Going after it would have
caused us conflict, and I hadn't wanted to do that. He'd been all
right with me taking classes in school, but not with me focusing my
life on it.
    And so I hadn't. I'd put my clarinet into my
parents' storage locker after high school and hadn't thought of it
in years. A part of my past.
    But now Alex, at least for the moment, was
also part of my past, and the musical theater group needed me and I
could use something to get me out of the apartment on a regular
basis. Was it time to reverse letting Alex claim music as his
domain?
    Alex. Did I want him back or did I hate him?
I fluctuated from minute to minute. My life still felt so
unbalanced without him, but I also liked the changes I'd made and
the freedom of making more when I wanted to. Though I still felt
like an awkward teenager trying to figure out the world sometimes,
I was an adult and could negotiate the world in a different way.
However I