Free Pygmalion and Three Other Plays (Barnes & Noble Classics Series) by George Bernard Shaw Page A

my father being a Chartist and a reading, thinking man: a stationer, too. I’m none of your common hewers of wood and drawers of water; as and dont you forget it. [He returns to his seat at the table, and takes up his mug.] Wots your name?
    THE WOMAN Rummy Mitchens, sir.
    PRICE [quaffing the remains of his milk to her] Your elth, Miss Mitchens.
    RUMMY [correcting him] Missis Mitchens.
    PRICE Wot! Oh Rummy, Rummy! Respectable married woman, Rummy, gittin rescued by the Salvation Army by pre tendin to be a bad un. Same old game!
    RUMMY What am I to do? I cant starve. Them Salvation lasses is dear good girls; but the better you are, the worse they likes to think you were before they rescued you. Why shouldnt they av a bit o credit, poor loves? theyre worn to rags by their work. And where would they get the money to rescue us if we was to let on we’re no worse than other people? You know what ladies and gentlemen are.
    PRICE Thievin swine! Wish I ad their job, Rummy, all the same. Wot does Rummy stand for? Pet name praps?
    RUMMY Short for Romola. 19
    PRICE For wot!?
    RUMMY Romola. It was out of a new book. Somebody me mother wanted me to grow up like.
    PRICE We’re companions in misfortune, Rummy. Both on us got names that nobody cawnt pronounce. Consequently I’m Snobby and youre Rummy because Bill and Sally wasnt good enough for our parents. Such is life!
    RUMMY Who saved you, Mr. Price? Was it Major Barbara?
    PRICE No: I come here on my own. I’m goin to be Bronterre O‘Brien Price, the converted painter. I know wot they like. I’ll tell em how I blasphemed and gambled and wopped my poor old mother
    RUMMY [shocked] Used you to beat your mother?
    PRICE Not likely. She used to beat me. No matter: you come and listen to the converted painter, and youll hear how she was a pious woman that taught me me prayers at er knee, an how I used to come home drunk and drag her out o bed be er snow white airs, an lam into er with the poker.
    RUMMY Thats whats so unfair to us women. Your confessions is just as big lies as ours: you dont tell what you really done no more than us; but you men can tell your lies right out at the meetins and be made much of for it; while the sort o confessions we az to make az to be whispered to one lady at a time. It aint right, spite of all their piety.
    PRICE Right! Do you spose the Army ’d be allowed if it went and did right? Not much. It combs our air and makes us good little blokes to be robbed and put upon. But I’ll play the game as good as any of em. I’ll see somebody struck by lightnin, or hear a voice sayin “Snobby Price: where will you spend eternity?” I’ll ave a time of it, I tell you.
    RUMMY You wont be let drink, though.
    PRICE I’ll take it out in gorspellin, then. I dont want to drink if I can get fun enough any other way.
    JENNY HILL, a pale, overwrought, pretty Salvation lass of 18, comes in through the yard gate, leading PETER SHIRLEY, a half hardened, half worn-out elderly man, weak with hunger.
    JENNY (supporting him] Come! pluck up. I’ll get you something to eat. Youll be all right then.
    PRICE [rising and hurrying officiously to take the old man offjenny’s hands] Poor old man! Cheer up, brother: youll find rest and peace and appiness ere. Hurry up with the food, miss: e’s fair done. [JENNY hurries into the shelter.] Ere, buck up, daddy! shes fetchin y’ a thick slice o breadn treacle, an a mug o sky-blue. at [He seats him at the corner of the table.]
    RUMMY (gailyJ Keep up your old art! au Never say die!
    SHIRLEY I’m not an old man. I’m ony 46. I’m as good as ever I was. The grey patch come in my hair before I was thirty. All it wants is three pennorth o hair dye: am I to be turned on the streets to starve for it? Holy God! I’ve worked ten to twelve hours a day since I was thirteen, and paid my way all through; and now am I to be thrown into the gutter and my job given to a young man that can do it no better than me because Ive black hair that goes white at