Free Impulse by Candace Camp Page B

begging you.”
    Sympathy and frustration swelled painfully in Angela’s chest. “Oh, Jeremy, if it were anything else…but I cannot marry again.”
    â€œI—I am sure Cam would not be a husband like Dunstan was. He—he seems a decent sort, even if he is, well, what he is. But, you know, if we lived in another place, like the United States, say, his rank would not even matter.”
    â€œIt is not his rank! You know that.”
    â€œOf course. I mean, I understand perfectly that even if he were a duke, you would not wish to marry again. The thing is, you see, I—I’m in a rather desperate situation.”
    â€œI know!” Angela clasped her hands tightly together in her lap, fighting against the tears that sprang into her eyes. She could not bear Jeremy’s obvious agony, yet she was horribly certain that she would always regret it if she gave in and did what he wanted. “I want to help. I wish I were brave enough to do it for you. But when I thinkof marrying again, of being subject to my husband’s moods and whims. And, Jeremy…it would be worse, I fear, because Cam already hates me. He thinks I was lying to him, back then, when Grandpapa caught us. He thinks that I never really cared for him, that I was only toying with him. He thinks that I married Dunstan because Dunstan was rich.”
    â€œTell him the truth, then.”
    â€œI have tried! He will not listen to me. He doesn’t believe me. He just wants his revenge.”
    â€œYes, and he will have it, one way or another,” Jeremy agreed bitterly. He looked away, unable to meet her eyes, and said, “Angela, I am begging you. It isn’t just the money, though God knows that is bad enough. It— There is more. If you do not marry him, he has threatened to reveal… Well, he knows something about me, and if he tells everyone, I will be ruined. Not just me, either. Rosemary will be destroyed. The children, too. The whole family will be tainted by the scandal.”
    Guilt gnawed at Angela. She knew that whatever scandal might come would be that much worse because of the scandal her own divorce had caused four years ago. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears welling from her eyes and beginning to course down her cheeks. “I am so sorry.”
    â€œHe will tell everyone,” her brother went on grimly, “what his investigators discovered about me. You see, he had men poking into everything, looking everywhere, finding all the family’s weak spots. I was the weakest.” Jeremy closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “They— they followed me to a club I sometimes frequent and… and they followed some of my friends from the club, also. They tracked me down to a flat where, uh, someone I know lives, and they questioned all the people who livearound there. Oh, God, Angela, he knows that I have desires that are…not normal. Lascivious, sinful. Illegal. Ever since Eton, I— Well, there was a boy in the upper form, and we—”
    He broke off, and Angela stared at him. “I don’t understand. Jeremy, what are you talking about?”
    â€œI loved him!” he cried out fiercely. “He was a boy, but I loved him. I let him— We lay together. We had carnal knowledge of each other.”
    Angela gaped. “Of a man?”
    â€œYes. I tried to stop. I really did. After school, I tried to keep away. Then, when I met Rosemary, I thought it was actually over. I loved her. I really did. I still do. I thought that a miracle had happened, that God had answered my prayers. I was attracted to her. I was able to…to bed her.” He blushed fierily. “Oh, God, I cannot believe that I am discussing this with you. You must hate me.”
    â€œNo! Oh, Jeremy, no, I could never hate you.”
    â€œWell, I hate myself. I haven’t any will. I cannot stay away from that life. Despite my love for Rosemary, despite the children we