Free The Girl With Death Breath and Other Naughty Stories for Good Boys and Girls by Christopher Milne

Doris Katz had the worst breath in the history of the universe. Worse than my dog’s. Worse than my father’s in the morning.
    Butt-breath, we called her.
    How did it get so bad? I’ll tell you.
    It all began with a party – the first that any of us had been to with both boys and girls.
    My best friend, Cassandra Watts, had decided it was time we had a ‘real’ party and, unfortunately, that meant asking stupid boys. And boys really are stupid.
    At the start of the party, we girls were all dressed up, sitting in the lounge room, waiting to maybe talk or dance or something, and what were the idiot boys doing?
    Having burping competitions around the barbeque. And every now and then, doing a pop-off.
    Eventually, Cassandra realised the party was going nowhere, so she decided to organise some games. Guess what she suggested?
    Spin the bottle.
    For those of you who haven’t played it, that’s where a boy spins the bottle and he has to kiss the girl it points to. In front of everyone.
    Cassandra had seen her older sister play it and thought it was very grown-up.
    We all groaned. I looked at that burping, smelly bunch of losers and thought, There’s certainly no-one there I want to kiss .
    But Cassandra insisted.
    And so the game began. Roger Smith was the first.The bottle spun, then slowed, and all the girls squealed as the bottle stopped – on Doris Katz!
    â€˜Oh, no!’ screamed Doris.
    But, secretly, we all knew Doris would have been rapt. She’d always liked Roger.
    â€˜Do I have to?’ pleaded Doris.
    â€˜Yes!’ we all shrieked.
    So, Roger walked over to Doris and put his arm around her waist – just like on TV! He opened his mouth, poked out his tongue, and, as we all leant forward to watch, he moved to kiss her.
    But then Roger stopped. ‘Oh, yuck!’ he shouted. ‘ Your breath stinks . What have you been eating?’
    â€˜I don’t know,’ said poor Doris. ‘Nothing.’
    â€˜I’d rather kiss my dog,’ said Roger.
    Well, I’ve seen people embarrassed before, but never as badly as poor Doris. She went red, put her hands to her face, and ran crying from the room.
    When Doris told her parents what had happened, minus the bottle-spinning, her mum took her to the doctor. But the doctor said there was nothing wrong with Doris.
    Perhaps she could clean her teeth a little more regularly, but the doctor thought it was simply a case of boys being stupid.
    So Doris went off to school thinking the whole thing would soon be forgotten.
    But it wasn’t.
    Pretty soon, every single kid at school was calling her Dunny-Breath or Death-Breath , and pretending to choke every time she came near. Doris’s life became a misery. Then misery turned to anger.
    OK, thought Doris one day. I’ve had enough. If it’s bad breath they want, it’s bad breath they’ll get!
    So, for the next month, Doris ate smelly cheese, onions and garlic every day – and didn’t clean her teeth once. She also practised sleeping with her mouth open and deliberately wore as little clothing as possible, so that she’d catch a cold and have a permanently sore throat. Finally, she drank some week-old milk, and then opened her mouth and looked in the mirror.What she saw almost made her throw up.

    Her throat was red, her teeth were brown , there was yellow in between them, and worst of all, her tongue had grown some green fur .
    She grinned at herself, and then went to school.
    Doris’s plan had been to say a big, breathy hello right into everyone’s face. But from the moment she arrived at school, she could tell something was wrong.
    A big group of kids were gathered in a circle. In the middle, Doris could see Roger – whom she still secretly liked – and Kevin ‘Killer’ Krump. They were shouting at each other and she could just tell a fight was going to start.
    Poor Roger , thought Doris. He won’t have a