theyâre people you donât like. Itâs odd.
No one bugs us because weâre so popular. Weâre pretty and smart. Weâve got a nice big house, a wonderful family, and our father drives a shiny new car. Weâre invited to parties, we sing in the choir, and Honey cheers our teams on to victory.
Sheâs still cheering. Iâm out of the play. My grades were too bad. âYouâve got to cut back,â the school counselor said. âYouâre not taking care of business. Whatâs the problem, Carolyn?â
There is no problem. I didnât mind getting kicked out of the play. The world is a stage. Iâm always performing.
Scene: In the fast-food place across from the high school. A large group of attractive teens has commandeered the tables at the back of the restaurant. The boys are big, and most wear jackets that indicate theyâre jocks. Several of the girls wear cheerleading outfits: blue-and-gold sweaters and short swirly skirts that brush their thighs.
Everyone is talking and laughing loudly. Honey is particularly animated because Bradley Curtis has given her a ring that she wears on a chain around her throat. Itâs his class ring, studded with a big red stone. Itâs getting all tangled up with her gold cross.
I guess that means theyâre going together. Whatever that means. He likes her a lot. Sheâs sitting on his lap and ruffling his hair, talking about him as if they were married. Sheâd like that. Curtis Bradley is solid and strong. His family always makes her feel welcome. Sheâs happy at his house; she never wants to come home.
I miss her, but I donât blame her.
I lean across the table to say something to Nancy, but it feels like Iâm watching myself in a play. Maybe those are the stage directions: I lean across the table to say something to Nancy . Weâre making too much noise and the jukebox is playing and Nancy cups her ear and shouts: âWhat?â
The music is so loud I can feel it in my heart, the bass thumping boom boom boom . Itâs too noisy to talk. I say, âYa ya ya ya ya!â Nancy laughs and says, âYouâre crazy!â
The door swings open; Annie Brown comes in with Janis Simms, the official school fat girl. They flinch when they see us and veer toward a table in the opposite direction. Theyâre afraid that the boys will make jokes about them. Glen Bond makes a typically unwitty remark, and we all feel obliged to snicker.
Honey says, âShut up,â and gets off Bradleyâs lap and crosses the room to Annie and Janis.
She makes small talk with them. Soon, theyâre laughing. Curtis watches her as if sheâs grown golden wings to match her hair. If only he and Honey could fly away and start a new life together. She would never run away. Mama and Papa would be so hurt. She wants to please people, kissing their hands, rolling onto her back like a puppy. Donât kick me.
Honey leaves the girls smiling and comes back to our table.
âYouâre so nice,â Curtis tells her sincerely.
âSheâs a saint,â I say.
Honey rolls her eyes and everybody laughs.
Scene: In the counselorâs office. I stare intently at the freckles on Ms. Johnsonâs face. If you connected all the dots, what would they say?
â⦠talked to you about this before.â Sheâs shuffling papers on her cluttered desk. I highlight the word clutter in my mind. It sounds like the object it describes. Whatâs the word? Onomono something.
â⦠hasnât had much effect. Carolyn, I need your cooperation. I canât do it by myself.â
Sheâs been talking for some time, Iâm not sure how long. I forgot to pay attention. Like when you ride in a car and look out the window but your mind is somewhere else. So when you get where youâre going, you canât remember the trip. Where does your mind go when itâs not in your