that he will tear.
I have to get away. I have to escape. My eyes are open, but his face is gone. Inside my head, I have turned my back on him and am walking down a long dark hallway.
He canât hurt us now. Honey sleeps, safe. My family dreams while I keep walking. I leave my eyes behind and find the quiet place.
He clasps my throat like the neck of a bottle and drinks and drinks and drinks.
10
âFor Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory. Forever and ever. Amen.â
The prayer ends and I lift my head. Grammy smiles at me and squeezes my hand. Then we all stand and sing âJoy to the World.â Itâs winter outside, but the church is warm and the altar is decorated with boughs of holly.
Holy little church! I feel so happy. My grandmotherâs voice is strong and true. She is an important part of the congregation because she has a kind heart. People love her. Sheâs proud that Iâm her granddaughter. Iâm so glad sheâs my Grammy. She never holds back her love, like Mama and Papa do; no dessert until you finish your dinner. Grammy says, âNo matter what, Iâll always love you.â
Promise me, Gram, that even when youâre dead, youâll hold me in the arms of your love. Iâm so scared and alone. Honeyâs acting strange and Richie has changed, and Maggieâs gone so far away.
The service is over. Grammy smooths my hair, the most beautiful hair in the world, she tells me. âShall we get some refreshments?â
âOh, yes! Iâm hungry!â Wonderful smells waft into the sanctuary.
We walk up the aisle past the gleaming pipe organ. The minister smiles and shakes our hands and welcomes us into the choir room, where the ladies are holding their Christmas bazaar.
The roomâs warm and cozy. I take off my sweater. It wonât get lost; theyâll know itâs mine. Tables line the walls, covered with homemade items: slippers, dish towels, pot holders, fudge, baskets made of Christmas cards, and jars of brilliant jelly.
Down the hall other ladies are serving the bean supper. Grampaâs in there, holding our places. But first I want to look at everything for sale.
I have money in my pocket for Christmas presents. Gram gave me money. Lots of money. Iâm rich! I browse from table to table, and everybody smiles. Someone pins a tiny crocheted wreath on my blouse, free, because Iâm me, and a child of this church, and my grandmotherâs precious flower.
The ladies behind the tables are big and soft. Their aprons are printed with Christmas bells. The room smells of cinnamon, vanilla, talcum powder. I feel happy and safe. The men are down the hall with Grampa, heaping their plates with franks and beans.
I buy a handkerchief embroidered with violets for Mama, a leather bookmark stamped with a cross for Papa, a pipe cleaner holder for Grampa.
But I canât find the right gift for Grammy. I look and look. Nothingâs good enough. I want to give her something perfect, something special.
She is suddenly beside me. âWhatâs the matter, darling?â
âI want to give you something youâll love.â Iâm crying.
âIâve got what I love.â She puts her arms around me. Then she smiles in my face and dries my eyes. âThereâs no need to cry. This is a happy time. All better?â she asks.
I tell her Iâm fine.
âGood,â she says. âLetâs go get some supper before your Grampa eats it all up.â
She takes my hand and we walk down the hallway.
At the end of the hall is the front of my eyes. Gram and the ladies and the church are gone. My uncleâs face comes into focus, wiping his lips on the back of his hand.
11
Honey and I have always succeeded at school, academically and, most importantly, socially. The teachers think theyâre in charge, but the kids donât take them seriously. What matters is what the other kids think, even if