Free A Thursday Next Digital Collection: Novels 1-5 by Jasper Fforde

deployment of the new weapon, its mere existence had upset the balance of power in the Crimea. No longer keen on a withdrawal, the English government was trying to negotiate a surrender of all Russian troops. The Russians were having none of it. The UN had demanded that both sides return to the talks in Budapest, but it had all stalled; the Imperial Russian Army had dug themselves in against the expected onslaught. Earlier in the day the Goliath Special Weapons spokesman had been instructed to appear before Parliament to explain the delay of the new weapons, as they were now a month behind schedule.
    A screech of tires roused me from my thoughts. I looked up. In the middle of the hospital room was a brightly painted sports car. I blinked twice but it didn’t vanish. There was no earthly reason why it should be in the room or even any evidence as to how it got there, the door being only wide enough for a bed, but there it was. I could smell the exhaust and hear the engineticking over, but for some reason I did not find it at all unusual. The occupants were staring at me. The driver was a woman in her midthirties who looked sort of familiar.
    â€œThursday!—” cried the driver with a sense of urgency in her voice.
    I frowned. It all looked real and I was definitely sure I had seen the driver somewhere before. The passenger, a young man in a suit whom I didn’t know, waved cheerily.
    â€œHe didn’t die!” said the woman, as though she wouldn’t have long to speak. “The car crash was a blind! Men like Acheron don’t die that easily! Take the Litera Tec job in Swindon!”
    â€œSwindon?—” I echoed. I thought I had escaped that town—it afforded me a few too many painful memories.
    I opened my mouth to speak but there was another screech of rubber and the car departed, folding up rather than fading out until there was nothing left but the echo of the tires and the faint smell of exhaust. Pretty soon that had gone too, leaving no clue as to its strange appearance. I held my head in my hands. The driver had been very familiar. It had been me.
    My arm was almost healed by the time the internal inquiry circulated its findings. I wasn’t permitted to read it but I wasn’t bothered. If I had known what was in it, I would probably only have been more dissatisfied and annoyed than I was already. Boswell had visited me again to tell me I had been awarded six months’ sick leave before returning, but it didn’t help. I didn’t want to return to the Litera Tec’s office; at least, not in London.
    â€œWhat are you going to do?” asked Paige. She had turned up to help me pack before I was discharged from the hospital.
    â€œSix months’ leave can be a long time if you’ve got no hobbies or family or boyfriend,” she went on. She could be very direct at times.
    â€œI have lots of hobbies.”
    â€œName one .”
    â€œPainting.”
    â€œReally?”
    â€œYes, really. I’m currently painting a seascape.”
    â€œHow long has it taken you so far?”
    â€œAbout seven years.”
    â€œIt must be very good.”
    â€œIt’s a piece of crap.”
    â€œSeriously, though,” said Turner, who had become closer to me in these past few weeks than during the entire time we had known each other, “what are you going to do?”
    I handed her the SpecOps 27 gazette; it outlined postings around the country. Paige looked at the entry that I had circled in red ink.
    â€œSwindon?”
    â€œWhy not? It’s home.”
    â€œHome it might be,” replied Turner, “but weird it definitely is.” She tapped the job description. “It’s only for an operative— you’ve been acting inspector for over three years!”
    â€œThree and a half. It doesn’t matter. I’m going.”
    I didn’t tell Paige the real reason. It could have been a coincidence, of course, but the advice