Free Tell Me My Name by Mary Fan

strong as the knowledge of
the ground I’m sitting on. How did I lose it? Why did the Sorci
trap me here? And what do they want from me?
    If they won’t tell me, and I can’t
remember on my own, then what chance do I have?
    I curl my knees up to my chest and let
my sobs out, knowing I won’t be able to hold them back unless they
abate on their own. The image of the clock tree lingers in my mind,
clear as daylight yet completely absurd. Such a thing isn’t
possible – that much I know. Trees can grow flowers or fruits, but
not manmade machines. Nevertheless, I let the image linger in my
mind. The tree may not be real, but it’s still beautiful to see,
with its grand, reaching branches and the delicate fineness of the
little timepieces.
    Their soft, insistent ticking echoes
through my mind, seeming to grow louder every second. My heartbeat
feels bound to their movements, pounding to their rhythm, which is
steady but urgent. Suddenly, something inside tells me to hurry,
that a great danger is lurking, that I must escape it soon. I know
this feeling must be because I’m trapped, and my instincts are
telling me to get out before the Sorci master returns and hurts me
again. But why is it turning so urgent in my heart?
    The ticking of the clocks
speeds up, and my pulse follows. I’m breathing so fast now that I’m
panting with anxiety. A sheen of cold sweat forms on my skin, and I
hug the cloak in an attempt to find comfort. Something terrible is
going to happen – I’m certain of it. And there’s more – a dark and
powerful shadow looming over me, threatening not just my life, but
my whole world. I don’t even remember what that world is , but my heart holds
the feeling of a home I can’t remember, and the ominous presence
seems ready to ravage it all. It’s almost as if … whatever happens
to me will happen to my world as well.
    And I can’t stop it.
    Panic rises from the pit of my
stomach, and if my heart beats any harder, it will surely rip my
chest apart. But I can barely hear its thumping over the ticking of
a hundred clocks, each saying that my time is running
out.
    It’s all in my
head , I tell myself adamantly. Those clocks aren’t real – it’s all in my
head!
    But another thought
overwhelms my attempt at self-reassurance: I have to get out.
    I jump up and look around
wildly, searching for a way to escape. Yet I shouldn’t have to –
these walls are made of ice, and ice is breakable! I have to try again;
maybe I gave up too quickly last time.
    I pound at the wall with my fists, but
I might as well be hammering at the iron floor. Not even a crack
appears, and the only thing I succeed in doing is bruising my
hands.
    I have to get
out .
    The thought consumes my mind, as it
did when I first awoke here, and I scratch at the ice by the window
the Sorci master created, in a desperate attempt to widen it. While
I know in my head that this is useless, it’s the panic that’s
controlling me now, dictating my actions.
    I have to get out! I have
to get out!
    My fevered thoughts tell me that if
there’s an opening, there must be a way to squeeze through, so I
press my forehead against the bars, trying to force myself to fit
through the gap. Freedom lies just beyond the staircase the Sorci
descended, and the sight of its gray stones tantalizes me. But the
bars are just too close together, and though the frenzy in my head
orders me to keep trying, I push off the wall and stumble backward.
My heel catches the edge of the cloak, and I trip.
    The impact from landing on the hard
ground shakes the madness out of my consciousness, and the ticking
fades from my mind. But I’m no calmer, even with it gone. The
tension remains, and the great despair returns. My heart turns to
lead, weighing me down, and, seeing no point in resisting, I let
it.
    I lie on the cold floor, staring at
the black bars and the frozen walls between them. I’m not sure
which is worse – the frenzy that had me pounding at ice or this
current