Free Tigers on the Beach by Doug MacLeod Page A

look, as if I hate blind people.
    As soon as the film is over, Michaela and Sam go off to the toilet together.
    â€˜That sure was bad of you to beat up on deaf people,’ Ben tells me.
    â€˜Blind. She wasn’t deaf, she was blind.’
    â€˜That’s still no excuse.’
    â€˜I didn’t beat up on her,’ I protest. ‘I didn’t know she was blind. I didn’t think that blind people went to movies like this.’
    â€˜That proves how prejudiced you are.’
    This is too much, coming from Ben Beacham who uses the word ‘spastic’ to describe anyone who doesn’t conform to his narrow idea of what is normal.
    Our conversation takes a major change of direction. ‘I saw Michaela naked,’ Ben says, proudly.
    I don’t make a big deal of it, which annoys Ben.
    â€˜Did you hear what I said?’
    â€˜Half the people in this building did.’
    â€˜Don’t you want to know how?’
    â€˜You took her bushwalking and you went skinny-dipping,’ I say.
    â€˜How did you know?’
    â€˜Because that’s what you always do.’
    The girls return and ask Ben what he is grinning about. He says he just thought of something funny from
The Simpsons,
but he forgets what. We all agree that
The Simpsons
is a great show. Michaela says that even her deaf uncle likes it because you can get episodes that are captioned. She says she is
proud
to have a deaf uncle because she is not prejudiced, like
some
people.
    â€˜Michaela, I’m not prejudiced,’ I say.
    â€˜It would be terrible to be blind,’ says Michaela.
    â€˜I agree.’
    â€˜One day, you might go blind yourself and
then
you’ll see,’ she says, unable to leave the topic alone and confused by her sentence. I don’t even attempt to sort it out for her.
    Ben says we should go out and get pancakes
.
I know that Sam likes blintz pancakes and I’m terrified she’ll agree. I’m not crazy about the idea of watching Ben Beacham re-enact every scene from
Up the Duff
.
    â€˜Sorry, I have to go home,’ says Sam.
    I breathe a sigh of relief.
    I want to hold Sam’s hand but she isn’t keen because the blow-drier in the bathroom wasn’t working and her hands are still wet.
    â€˜I don’t mind wet hands,’ I say. ‘Especially if they’re yours.’
    But Sam is embarrassed about having toilet hands, and I respect that. When her back is turned, Ben whispers to me, ‘Your girlfriend doesn’t have much of a sense of humour. She’s hardly even got boobs. Did she get depressed?’
    â€˜Go surf a train,’ I tell him.

Rose is waiting for Sam and me when we get back to Port Argus. She looks flustered, but relieved that we haven’t run off and joined a train-surfing cult.
    â€˜Adam. Sam. You’re late. I was worried.’
    â€˜We saw a different movie,’ says Sam. ‘It ended later.’
    â€˜You didn’t see
Eternal Winter
?’
    â€˜We couldn’t get in.’
    â€˜You should have rung.’
    â€˜We’re not
that
late,’ says Sam.
    â€˜Nearly a whole hour. It’s impolite not to ring.’ I apologise to Rose.
    â€˜What film did you see?’ she asks.
    â€˜It was a comedy,’ I say.
    â€˜Which one?’
    I doubt that Rose would be a huge fan of
Up the Duff
. ‘I forget the name,’ I say.
    â€˜It was a Rob Ryder movie,’ says Sam.
    â€˜Rob Ryder? Is he one of those smutty comedians? Always doing sex jokes?’
    â€˜He’s matured,’ I say.
    â€˜Did you like the biscuits?’ Rose asks.
    It’s such a rapid change of subject that it takes a second for me to catch up.
    â€˜They were delicious,’ I say.
    â€˜I’ll get you some more,’ says Rose. ‘As well as some moisturiser. You wait here.’
    Rose exits, leaving Sam and I to linger in the living room.
    Sam has been quiet. I know she hated the film.
    â€˜I’m