Free Into His Keeping by Gail Faulkner

sob. He wrapped his arms around her to hold her grief-racked body to him and welcomed the outpouring of her heartache. It was the old loneness. The complete abandonment she’d suffered. It was all the emotions he should have been there to defend her from.
     
    Pain marked his face as she poured out the depths of her loneliness, fear and desperation. Words couldn’t have expressed the terrifying hell she’d awakened to in that hospital so long ago.
     
    She’d been right. Between him and her father, she’d been surrounded. Not that either of them ordered her around. No, it was much more subtle than that. She was the woman of her father’s house, in charge of it but completely safe in its shelter. When she was with Holdin, she’d been his in every way. He’d loved how they were. Loved how she let him be a man, expected it of him. Their relationship had been perfect and he didn’t think it was the rose-colored glasses of time he was looking through.
     
    It had been her nature to lean on him. It was his nature to accept it. They’d fed each other in ways few couples manage. And then she’d woken up alone. So very alone. Her soul had known that it was not her nature to fend for herself.
     
    “Shhh, that’s it. Let it go. It’ll never happen to Drifter. I promise you, Jilly-girl. He’ll never feel abandoned the way you did, darlin’. You’ve seen to it. He has a father, grandparents and a past. He’s safe. You’ve taken care of our baby.” Holdin assured her as the sobs continued but in a much healthier emotional cleansing. Not the complete meltdown she’d done to begin with.
     
    The tears finally subsided and they lay there holding each other in a silence that was both sorrow and understanding.
     
    “How did you know?” Jill asked into the peaceful dark that had settled around them. “I didn’t even know why my soul was breaking until you put it in words.”
     
    “I know your nature, Jilly-girl. Then or now, it’s the same soul and I know it,” Holdin murmured. “Try to relax and go to sleep, baby. It’s time.”
     
    “Time for what?”
     
    “Time for you to let go of that fear. The two of you will never be alone like that again. No matter what happens between us, I will always be his father. His grandparents will always adore him. He’s safe. It’s time for you to be safe too. Be safe in me, Jilly-girl. I’m not going to lose you again. You can’t drop off into nothingness a second time. Think about it. Even if you remember nothing after the surgery, you will not be abandoned. We’ll be there. You’ll have a history. You will have a future.”
     
    Jill let his words curl around her fears. He’d named the demon, the nothingness. That nothingness was the black hole of pain she’d give her soul to protect her son from. Holdin understanding that so quickly should have been shocking but it wasn’t. He was right. He knew her nature.
     
    Being in his arms felt like it always had. An overwhelming mix of edgy sexuality that could take her to the verge of endurance, tempered with the amazing certainty that she was safe in his care. The security he provided folded around her as exhaustion took its toll. Jill finally let go and relaxed into the luxuriant pleasure that was falling asleep in Holdin’s arms.
     
    Holdin lay there and felt her quiet down into sleep. For right now it was enough. Holding her, feeling her soft breathing on his neck was a need. The hard knot in his gut shifted a bit lower but he could live with that. The precious gift of her trust, her pain, giving herself into his keeping, even for this short time, fed the starved beast who’d hungered for her. He hadn’t known that the last time he held her would be the last time. Hadn’t realized it’d be fifteen years before he felt this again.
     
    The part of his soul that was a vicious competitor had grown up on the pain of missing this, her. He’d been very careful to cover that wounded animal, hide him behind a mask of