Free The Cowards by Josef Škvorecký Page B

soldiers. I heard them yelling something at the people who still hadn’t managed to find a place to duck into. I looked over at Mrs Salacova again. She was nearly home. She had a little store in one of the houses on the left side of the square. The soldier with the submachine gun slowly trailed her. He looked like a Boy Scout doing a good deed, as if the gun was hers and he was just carrying it home for her. It was quiet, except for the officers yelling on the other side of the square and, in the distance, the squeak of Mrs Salacova’s crutches. They were a couple of steps away from her shop. She made three more lurches and vanished inside. The soldier turned and hurried along the row of houses to the end of the street. Behind him came an officer brandishing a revolver in his gloved hand. The two advancing columns had already circled the church and joined up in a single row. The end men stopped at the corners where the side streets entered the square while the centre fanned out swiftly. The last remnants of the crowd dashed past me behind the post office towards the old ghetto and shoved through the doors into City Hall. It was quiet. Behind the soldiers the square was completely empty. Apparently they’d come from the emergency hospital behind the church where part of the Kostelec garrison was stationed. The rejoicing of the crowds had probably made them mad. The officers, anyway. My impression was that all the soldiers really cared about was clearing out before the Russians arrived. These last days anyway. They couldn’t get out fast enough. But the officers wouldn’t budge. Discipline to the bitter end. No matter how pointless – order and discipline right up to the end. And the soldiers obeyed. That much had been drilled into them. More soldiers appeared in the empty half of the square. They advanced in dead silence. They were sullen and ready for combat. Ammunition belts bounced against their chests and hand grenades jutted out of their boot tops.
    ‘Danny!’ said Irena nervously. I could tell right away she was scared.
    ‘What?’ I said without turning around.
    ‘Danny, come inside!’
    ‘Wait a while.’
    ‘Danny, please come inside. You can’t kid around with them.’
    ‘Don’t worry.’
    ‘Don’t be crazy, Danny.’
    ‘Oh, don’t worry, Irena. If I just stand here, they won’t even notice me.’
    ‘Danny, please. Don’t be silly.’
    I turned slowly and looked her in the eye. She was really scared. For me. I could tell she was scared, but on the other hand this was something I couldn’t understand. I’d never been scared for anybody else. Just for myself. I didn’t know what it was to feel that way. I couldn’t understand how anybody could care that much about somebody else. Whether something was going to happen to somebody else, I mean. If somebody else was in a bad spot, I felt bad too, but I didn’t know what it was to be scared for them. What’s the sense in being scared, anyway? After all, nothing can happen except what happens to me. And you can stand everything else. I felt completely alone. I wouldn’t have been scared for Irena. Why should I ever be scared for her? I wasn’t really in love with her anyway. Or rather, I was in love with her because there wasn’t anything better. When it came to things to be in love with, there was always a chronic shortage. And so I was in love with Irena. She wasn’t in love with me and I loved her, but it didn’t really matter that much to me. I looked straight at her.
    ‘Are you scared?’
    ‘Danny, please, don’t put on an act.’
    ‘Are you?’
    She looked over my head and there was fear in her eyes.
    ‘Danny, come inside. This is no joke!’
    ‘Are you scared?’
    ‘Yes, sure I am.’
    ‘On account of me?’
    ‘Oh, please, Danny, you know I am.’
    ‘But you don’t love me?’
    ‘Danny, please come inside.’
    ‘But you don’t love me, do you?’ I said slowly.
    Her eyes looked terrified. I was hamming it up. See, Irena,