Free The Cowards by Josef Škvorecký

understood. It never even occurred to her that she hadn’t really. Apparently her head wasn’t really equipped to understand. Girls’ mental equipment is generally pretty primitive. It would have been nice to know there was at least one girl in the world who could understand something. Not just what a person says, but what he means, too. And that maybe he means something entirely different from what he says. And that he says it for completely different reasons than he says. It would have been nice to know there was at least one girl like that in the world. Anyway, then I switched over to the track Irena’s little brain was running on.
    ‘Or maybe you think there isn’t any other way to prove it?’ I said.
    ‘Oh well, sure there is, but that’s about enough of that now, don’t you think?’
    ‘The other proofs are more fun, though.’
    ‘Danny, that’s enough now. Just stop or I won’t say another word to you.’
    ‘Okay,’ I said, and flashed her another one of my Gable grins. But it gave me a cramp in my cheek muscle and I had to hurry and hold my hand under my nose and massage it as though nothing had happened. Luckily, the cramp went away almost immediately. Irena hadn’t even noticed it. It was all right.
    ‘Well, so we’ve got our freedom back again, huh?’ I said.
    ‘No, now, be serious. You make a joke out of everything, Danny,’ said Irena.
    ‘No, I don’t.’
    ‘You do.’
    ‘I don’t.’
    ‘Go on, I know you.’
    ‘Think so?’
    ‘Absolutely.’
    ‘Well, I’m not so sure.’
    ‘Oh yes I do.’
    Irena was a grown-up young lady. She’d gone through puberty but not very far beyond. Breasts and periods and a whole way of thinking. So she knows me, does she? That was good, too.
    ‘Well, that’s tough,’ I said.
    ‘What?’
    ‘That you know me so well.’
    ‘Why’s it tough?’
    ‘Well – since you know me so well I can’t have any secrets from you, can I?’
    Irena laughed.
    ‘I don’t know you all that well, Danny. You don’t need to worry.’
    ‘But you know me pretty well, right?’
    ‘Oh – pretty well, I think.’
    ‘And what do you know?’
    ‘Hmmm?’
    ‘What do you know that’s so special about me anyway?’
    ‘Special? Well, you’re awfully conceited, for one thing.’
    ‘Aw, go on.’
    ‘You are, Danny.’
    I acted like this had really sobered me up, then I looked into her eyes.
    ‘No, Irena. I’m not conceited. Not at all.’
    ‘No?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Well, I still think you’re pretty conceited, Danny.’
    ‘I’m not, though.’
    ‘And I say you are, though.’
    ‘No. And I’ll tell you why you’re wrong, Irena. Because there just so happens to be something I don’t think is true about you, and you know very well that it’s true about me.’
    ‘Yes? What?’ she said. Her eyes lit up when I switched to this other tone. We’d just been kidding around before, but now I’d struck a deeper chord. Now I’d touched on something that lay beneath all that kidding which was serious. At least that’s what her biological feelers told her. Her fine little biological-psychological-acoustical feelers. I didn’t contradict her.
    ‘What is it?’ I said slowly, and moved towards the wall. I lifted my arms and leaned up against the wall under Irena’s window.
    ‘You know, Irena,’ I said.
    She smiled wisely, the smile she kept handy for such occasions. It was a tender smile. Then she reached out and gently caressed the back of my hand.
    ‘You know very well, Irena,’ I repeated. ‘I’m in love with you.’
    She stroked my hand again. Then she whispered, ‘I know.’
    I held on to her fingers.
    ‘Irena, I’m terribly in love with you. Everything I do is just for you.’
    ‘I know, Danny.’
    ‘Look, this whole war and the liberation and everything won’t really have any sense for me if you …’
    I stopped right there and, instead of talking, squeezed her hand.
    ‘I know, Danny.’
    ‘Irena, couldn’t you …’
    She pressed my hand,