looking at her; and that she wasn’t eating.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked.
“A little. We didn’t have dinner last night.” She wouldn’t have been able to eat dinner even if she’d wanted to, and now she was having trouble with her breakfast. She tried to force a little of it down, not wanting to waste it. It wasn’t as though they could give it to someone else. “You can have some of mine, if you want. I’m not that hungry, I guess.”
“Meg…”
“Don’t. There’s too much going on. I can’t eat right now.” She thought she would be able to eat, but having him sit opposite her reminded her of last night. It was all she could think about. She remembered telling him she loved him, and she meant it. She did love him. She just didn’t know if she was in love with him. They’d grown up together. How could they go from being friends to lovers? Would it ruin what they already had?
“I’ll take a yogurt for my bag,” she decided.
“A yogurt isn’t breakfast,” he said. “Is there anything else that might tempt you? A croissant and jam, maybe?”
“Not really.”
Telling him she didn’t think she was going to be able to keep it down wasn’t going to help. Meaghan bit her lip.
“I don’t even want muesli, and you know how much I like that. I’m stressed. I keep thinking things aren’t going to work out. I feel like I’m having a slow-burning anxiety attack or something.”
Chase reached out and took her hand. “Everything’s going to be fine.”
She could hear the forced certainty in his voice, but that was okay. She didn’t have a problem with him pretending for her.
Chapter 10
Meaghan adored the feel of riding as a passenger on the bike. It helped calm her. When Chase rode, and her arms wove tightly around his waist, she didn’t think of anything else. It was perfect. She held him, she leaned into him, and she wasn’t dealing with the memories of sleeping with him, or her worries about leaving Jennifer and David, or the pain regarding her father.
Going to San Diego was the right thing to do. They were riding on their own bike, with enough money to be able to pay a deposit for a place they could call her own. It was a dream come true. They pulled up at the first apartment for a viewing. They were twenty minutes early, so they stood beside the driveway to wait.
“Chase?”
“Yeah, Meg.”
“We made the right decision.”
“We did, didn’t we?”
“Leaving behind a place we only have bad memories of, is a sensible thing to do. We can start fresh.”
“I hope so.” He sounded more worried than he had before. “Leaving Dad…there’s this guilt that won’t go away. Walking away from him doesn’t feel great, but I know deep down it’s the right thing to do. Kids have to leave the nest eventually. I guess I’m upset because he didn’t really get that I was leaving. He was so drunk. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.”
“There comes a time when you have to put yourself first. Living your life for other people is a mistake. That’s what I was doing at Dad’s. Maybe I am leaving him to deal with Wanda’s torture, but he chose her to be his wife. And even though your dad is sick, he’s choosing to drink. Think about it this way. Has the electricity at your house ever been shut off?”
“No,” Chase answered.
“Exactly. Why do you think that is?”
“Because he pays the bills.”
“Bingo! He pays the bills. How do you think that happens? It’s not magic. He sobers up enough to take care of what he needs. If he can sober up enough for that, he can sober up for you.”
“I know you’re right, but it’ll take some time to stop feeling the way I do.”
“I’m not saying you should shake the feeling this minute. I just think we need to put things into perspective. All the decisions we made in the past were made for other people. We never once put ourselves first, except when we made the choice we were going away for college.
“We