Free You Get What You Pray For by E.N. Joy Page B

refused to let go of until God answered it.
    â€œCome on now, baby.” Eleanor coaxed Lorain over to the couch, and the two sat down. “Let me get you a tissue.” Eleanor reached over to the end table and grabbed a tissue from the Kleenex box that was encased in a crystal holder. “Here you go.” She handed the tissue to Lorain, and Lorain blew into it like an elephant. “Lord Jesus. I knew you were full of it, but—”
    â€œMom, really? You can’t show a little empathy even now?” Lorain huffed.
    â€œOh, baby, I’m sorry.” Eleanor pulled Lorain into her arms. “Go on. Get it all out. Whatever it is on your mind . . . and all that snot too.”
    â€œForget it.” Lorain went to get up, but Eleanor pulled her back down.
    â€œOkay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m all ears.”
    â€œI need you to be more than all ears right now,” Lorain told her mother. “I need you to be all heart. Because after I finish telling you all that has been heavy on my own heart, I’m going to need for you to still have love in your heart for me.”
    â€œLet me tell you something, baby,” Eleanor said sternly. “I don’t give a dern what you do, think, or say. You are my baby girl. I’m going to be here for you always. Right or wrong, I’ve got your back.”
    Lorain knew that to be true, so despite the shame she felt, she went on to tell her mother about her selfishness when it came to keeping Unique from the twins, dating all the way back to the aftermath of the boys’ death. Lorain shared how back when both she and Unique were still attending New Day Temple of Faith, she would go out of her way to avoid Unique when she was with the girls. She feared that Unique would share a moment with the twins and something in her would be triggered, that her connection with the girls would make her want to raise them herself, to be a Mommy again.
    Lorain didn’t want Unique to feel as though she needed to replace her lost boys with the girls. Every day Lorain repented for this, but the next day she would wake up thinking about it and go to bed thinking about how to keep Unique from bonding with Victoria and Heaven. As manipulative as she thought Korica was, deep down inside, Lorain figured that she wasn’t any better. That was something she’d have to live with, and she justified it by her love for the twins.
    It pained Lorain to share with her mother that she was relieved the day Unique moved to West Virginia. It had given her some breathing space and time to breathe, period. She had always felt she was waiting with bated breath for Unique to decide to tell the girls the truth about who their biological mother was. Even though Unique’s move to West Virginia wasn’t permanent, it put both a physical and a mental distance between Unique and the girls. Yes, it meant there was a distance between mother and daughter, as well, but it was a sacrifice Lorain was willing to make.
    â€œI felt like I was throwing Unique away all over again,” Lorain confessed to Eleanor. “I’m the devil.”
    â€œOh, girl, hush on up with that nonsense. I’m already at the pity party, and you don’t have to entice me to stay by pulling out the top-shelf liquor.”
    â€œBut even today you saw me. I couldn’t get Unique out of here soon enough. The girls begged me to read them another book—I usually give in to their pleas for more—but I knew Unique would want to tell them good night, so I cut the reading short. I couldn’t risk having her tuck her kids into bed, a moment a mother relishes. I couldn’t.” Lorain shook her head and began to weep again. “I’m going to hell.” Lorain waited for Eleanor to say something positive and encouraging, to disagree with her and tell her she would spend eternal life in heaven with all the rest of the saints.
    Eleanor sat there with her lips poked out,