Free A ruling passion : a novel by Judith Michael

listened more closely to Valerie than Valerie listened to her; now and then she made a gesture identical to one of Valerie's; she never let her thoughts drift from the conversation as Valerie sometimes did. She gave the impression of a student memorizing everything for some future test.
    "I'm not afraid of tall orders," she said to Nick, "as long as there's something for me to win." She gazed at him with a long, measuring

    look. Her blue eyes were like jewels, he reflected, filled with promise without revealing what the promise was. An interesting woman with a drive to succeed that he could understand because it matched his own. Beneath the table, he took Valerie's hand in his, grateful for having found his fixed star, infinitely happier now than when he had been searching and experimenting with different women, even women who piqued his interest as much as Sybille Morgen did. "What about you?" she was asking. She had been fumbling with her chopsticks, trying to pick up a piece of chicken; now she put them aside as if she had had enough to eat and looked at Nick. "You're in school so you can get what you want, aren't you? Tools for when you leave. Why else would you spend all these years waiting for something real to happen?"
    Nick felt a flash of pity, wondering how a woman who did not think her surroundings were real, and who ached to be something different, could ever be content. "I came here to learn," he said, then smiled broadly. "Sounds hopelessly dull, doesn't it?"
    "Not for a scientist," Valerie said lighdy.
    "What about scientists who like puppet shows?" he demanded.
    "They're redeemed. Not dull at all. But still," she added ironically, "to come to college to learn... how very quaint."
    Sybille was watching them again, holding her breath as she saw Nick's eyes when he looked at Valerie. Nick glanced at her, and, in confiision, she picked up her chopsticks again. She tried to fit them between her fingers and thumb. Damn it, she thought; Nick and Valerie make it look so easy. It's one of those things that come with money, and time to play around in restaurants, learning stupid things like eating with two sticks of wood. But she resisted asking for a fork; she struggled and after a while began to figure out how it was done. But in the struggle she missed some of the conversation, and when Nick glanced at her she said quickly. "That can't be all you came here for: learning."
    "True," he conceded. "I also came to find Valerie, though I didn't know her name or what she'd look like until three months ago."
    "Well, but seriously, what else?" Sybille asked impatiendy.
    "I guess nothing else," he said simply, wondering what it would take to make her laugh. "I'm happiest when I'm finding things I didn't know yesterday. There's a lot I want to do and I'm looking forward to doing it when I finish here in a couple of months and get a job, but I haven't spent the past seven years just preparing for it, and nothing else."

    'What kind of job?"
    "The same kind I'm doing now: designing computers, writing programs ..."
    "That's what I said: you're getting your credentials, like the rest of us. It's like running an obstacle course before we can get to the real starting gate; people out there think it's important, but it doesn't have anything to do with the real world."
    "It's not that complicated." Nick smiled, still admiring her determination, but wishing she were less shrill. She's like I was, he thought, before Valerie taught me to relax. "I just wanted a few years of being a student. There are men my age making fortunes up and down this valley, from San Francisco to Monterey, with or without college degrees, and I could have had a shot at it anytime, but I wanted this first. It's probably the last time in my life I'll be able to concentrate on me and learning what I want. I always had the idea that was what a college was for. I'll make my fortune when the time comes; I'm not worried about that."
    Sybille stared at him. "Not