Free Tangled Thoughts by Cara Bertrand Page B

you. What are you doing here?”
    â€œ
Me
? Like you thought I’d miss this?! The real question is what are
you
doing here? You never came when you
lived
here!”
    I shrugged. “I miss here. More than I thought I would.” Which was saying something. I didn’t mention that Lex had all but dragged me across the street. “Is Caleb here?” I asked before I realized it was an assumption.
    But all she said was, “No,” and shook her head. “He wanted to be but, you know. Iowa. And plane tickets.”
    â€œSo you’re still…?”
    She laughed. “Yeah, of course.” Of course. At what must have been the look on my face, her cheeks reddened and she fumbled, “I mean, you know, last year we worked it out and everything—So. How’re classes? College is different, right? It’s harder, but classes were hard here too…”
    We talked and joked for a while, slipping back into the easy banter that had always made her my friend, even before Lainey. But the absence hovered, the conspicuous hole in the space between us. Finally, I gave in. I told myself I wouldn’t ask, but now, after the headmaster had brought her up, I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to know.
    â€œIs she coming?” Amy knew who I meant. She opened and closed her mouth before shaking her head. I put my hands in my pockets. “How is she?”
    Amy sighed. “Do you think that’s a wise question?”
    â€œI know it isn’t.”
    After another sigh, she gave in, as I knew she would. “She’s good, hon. She’s good.”
    â€œI’m glad,” I said, and I almost believed myself.
    â€œI think…God, I probably shouldn’t even say this, but I think she missed you, even though she, well, you know. But she’s good.” I didn’t miss the past tense in what she shouldn’t have said. She shifted on her feet next to me, holding her hands out toward the fire.
    â€œIs she…with anyone?”
    She shook her head. “Not yet.” Which meant there was someone.
    â€œWould I like him?”
    With a sideways glance and a little laugh-cough, she said, “Um. Probably not.” Before I could ask something more painful, she added, “Speaking of…Seriously? Alexis?”
    â€œShe’s not as bad as you think.”
    â€œShe’s the devil in a dress, Carter!”
    â€œThen maybe I’m not as good as you think.”
    â€œCarter…” I went to turn away, but she caught my arm and held it. “Hey, c’mon. I’m sorry. She and I…well, you know.”
    â€œShe helped keep you from being expelled last year.”
    â€œI know,” Amy said. “And I appreciate that. But she didn’t do it for me.”
    And there she was again, Lainey. Right there in between everything, even Amy and Lex. I blew out a breath. All around us were friends and familiar faces, laughing, joking. Happy. “Speaking of, I should go find her.”
    â€œHey.” Amy’s voice softened and the corners of her pretty lips turned down. She was still holding my arm and her eyes searched mine. “How are
you
? Are you happy?”
    A genuine question deserved a genuine answer. The fact was this: “I don’t know.”
    â€œOh, Penrose.”
    Her eyes got this wet shimmer, like she might cry for me. She hugged me again, and I hugged her back, but this was my time to exit. Once again our conversation had devolved into pity. It was worse than on the phone—I could
see
it. Hell, I bet others could too. Some of the other kids were sure to be watching us. Funny how I’d never been concerned about that before. Everything about me had grown pathetic.
    Alexis emerged from the woods then, saving me from searching for her. Her cheeks were pink and eyes glassy. Her arm was slung around her cousin, Mandi, who was probably the only freshman brave enough to come to the alumni