Free Spitting Off Tall Buildings by Dan Fante Page A

the box - a gay, preposterous-looking multi-sprinkled reject. Perfect for me.
    I had lighted a cigarette and begun reading the discarded Employment section of the Times when a squench-face-looking female state employee, stopping at the coffee urn, tapped me on the shoulder to point out the ‘No Smoking’ sign on the wall.
    I drank down the last of my coffee then made the decision to go back out by the elevator, smoke some more, and finish the want-ads.
    The admin floor I was on seemed to be the hub of the building’s activity. People getting off the elevator and getting on, going into the office, reporting or punching-in or whatever government workers did, then coming back out and taking the elevator down.
    I sat on my window sill observing the activity through the glass door of the office, watching and smoking, forming dislikes and opinions about the faces that entered and came out. One woman going in looked a lot like Vanessa del Reo, the old porno star. I remembered the movie where Vanessa gave a blow job to a three-foot-tall midget.
    The next person leaving the admin department was a heavy-set black lady wearing a business dress and carrying a briefcase. Important-looking. Definitely a supervisor or manager of one of the battalions of laborers.
    She was getting into her furry winter coat, pressing the‘Down’ elevator button. When she saw me sitting on the sill wearing my harness with my bucket at my feet, she smiled, then made small talk to avoid the awkwardness. ‘Cold this morning,’ she said, ‘isn’t it? Out there…outside.’
    I nodded. ‘Anti God.’
    ‘What time do you fellows start?’
    ‘Before dawn. Arctic Circle Standard Time.’
    She was big, standing at least six feet in her heels, with even teeth and a friendly way about her. ‘So,’ she went on, noticing the crushed-out cigarette butts by my feet, ‘by now your day must be about half over.’
    ‘I need an opinion,’ I said, half surprised at myself for speaking the words. ‘Will you answer a question for me?’
    She folded her arms then smiled again. ‘An opinion? That depends, doesn’t it?’
    ‘Not expert analysis. Just your point of view. About windows.’
    The smile was still there. ‘Building maintenance isn’t my field.’
    ‘This’ll only take thirty seconds. Okay?’
    The big lady chuckled then looked up at the number displays above the three elevator doors. None were within four or five floors of the eleven numeral. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘Thirty seconds. What do we do?’
    I pointed down the hall at the last set of upper and lower panes I’d cleaned. ‘Those windows over there. The ones in the corner, I’d like you to walk over to them and tell me what you think.’
    ‘What I think?’
    ‘If they’re clean.’
    She studied my expression. ‘Okay,’ she said, then walked the fifteen feet to the set of glass. I followed.
    ‘Now what,’ she asked, after quickly checking the two.
    ‘Clean?’ I asked.
    ‘They look okay. I’d say…satisfactory.’
    ‘Yeah but, what about the streaks? Don’t you see streaks?’
    She examined more closely until she seemed to make out the dark snaky blotches that, in my opinion, disfigured each pane. ‘You’ve cleaned these? Correct?’ she asked.
    ‘Twenty minutes ago.’
    Her smile was back. ‘Soo…how long have you been doing windows?’
    ‘My first day.’
    ‘Well, to be honest…’
    ‘You’re right,’ I said. ‘Screw it! The hell with it!’ I began unhitching my belt.
    ‘You’re quitting?’
    ‘Thanks for helping me to decide.’
    Just then an elevator car arrived, clunking to a stop. The big lady hurried over, picked up her briefcase, then looked back. ‘I have to go.’
    I watched the doors close. She smiled goodbye, shaking her head from side to side. I smiled back.
    Less than a minute later, an ‘Up’ car arrived. I was back sitting on the sill. Smoking. A group of employees got out and headed toward the glass office doors. Flash was behind them.
    He