Free Intergalactic Terrorist (New Dimension Book 1) by J. F. Monahan

this was some sort of elaborate hoax was erased. It was like the horrifying realisation that the Loch Ness Monster did indeed exist or that Father Christmas was a real fat man who crept around your house at night!
        Here was a being from another world!
        “Please don’t hurt me!” wailed Geoffrey George. “Take anything you wish… my money… my house… my swanky, fast sports car that makes me the envy of the neighbourhood. You can even take my gaunt wife if you must. Just don’t hurt me!”
        Greebol smiled that smile. The one that looked like his face was made out of putty. “You are a strange little man,” he said chirpily, “I can see why Charlie thinks you are a pompous arrogant son of a female dog!”
        Charlie laughed nervously. “I… I don’t think that,” he stuttered.
        “You will help me fix my electrical now?” Greebol asked Geoffrey.
        The tubby man, eyes still staring at the alien image before him slowly nodded his head. He opened his mouth to speak but only the sound of a strangled cat came out.
        “I don’t think he’ll know how to repair your spaceship Greebol,” said Charlie.
        “Well if he can’t… what further use do I have for him?” Greebol responded.
        Geoffrey George panicked. No further use? What did that mean? Would this grey skinned, yellow eyed, wide mouthed fiend kill him? Would he slice him up into tiny pieces like sushi and perform strange scientific experiments on his body? He had seen the films! Aliens are cruel. The only nice one was that long necked thing that befriended that boy, but Greebol was nowhere near as cute as him. In fact to call Greebol cute would be like calling a tin of red paint blue. Geoffrey could only imagine the horrific things that Greebol would do to him. Anal probing came to mind. Why anyone would want to probe via the anus always confused him. You never heard of mouth probes or ear probes or nostril probes. Oh no! When it came to aliens it was always the anus! The filth!
        “I can help!” Geoffrey shouted suddenly, feeling nervous for his big fat rear. “Let me look at your… spaceship … I might be able to help!”
        Greebol considered him for a moment. Then, without warning he dove over to the drawer in the wall and thrust it open. Diving his hand inside, he pulled out a large knife. The blade sparkled when it hit the light.
        Charlie cocked his head on one side like a dog hearing the word ‘walkies’. The drawer was only small but he had seen Greebol bring out and put in many items. More than he thought feasibly possible to fit.
        Geoffrey on the other hand had no interest in the drawer. His only interest was in the knife. It was the type of knife that could gut an elephant with a simple swipe. His throat went dry like he was licking sand and his palms began to sweat. This was it. As Greebol stepped towards him, swapping the knife between hands, Geoffrey prepared for the end of his life. The death of a King.
        Greebol swung the knife.
        Geoffrey gasped.
        “Please… see what you can do,” said Greebol smiling happily.
        Geoffrey stood. The alien had used the knife to cut the binds that bound him. He rubbed his sore wrists and looked to the door. Could he make an escape? He doubted it. The lock on the door looked like it could hold a stampede of rhinos.
        “Well,” he said at last, “let’s see what I can do!” He stepped over to the controls on the wall of the room. He opened several hatches and inspected the array of wires and tubes and flashing things. He looked on the ceiling, examining the round things, the square things, the hexagonal things and the things with so many sides that there was no word for its shape. He poked and prodded the thick vibrating things that looked like they belonged in certain ladies underwear drawers. He flicked a number of switches, turned a number of knobs, pressed a number of buttons.