Free Border Lord's Bride by Gerri Russell

"Your sisters, however, are very much alive and in need of their brother. You said that's why you came home. You wanted to spare them the penury that would befall them if your uncle assumed the estate and the title."
    She stared at him, challenged him. "Rose is eighteen. She deserves the chance with Lachlan to see if they can make a match. Camellia, Heather, Iris, and eventually Lily all deserve that as well. They deserve a chance to make their place in this world. Then if after they are settled, you choose to leave it all behind, that's your choice."
    He clenched his jaw against the reminder of his duty. "And what of my duty to you?"
    She flinched. "It is I who owe you, my lord. Not the other way around. Your family paid my father's debts as a part of our betrothal contract. You own me every bit as much as you own the estate and all it entails."
    He owned her. He wanted her. But could he take on that responsibility without crushing her as he had the others he'd loved? Lucius clutched his fists at his sides, fighting the urge to pull her close. He wanted to wrap himself in her warmth and maybe, just maybe, feel like he didn't deserve to be alone.
    But he was afraid.
    She looked at him, and in the depths of her eyes he saw the pain he'd caused, and something else, something he couldn't name. She kept staring at him, saying nothing. Silence stretched between them, one that began to nibble at his confidence in his decision. "Don't look at me that way."
    "What way?"
    "As if you know I'll change my mind."
    "You will." Her voice trembled just a bit, belying the conviction of her words. Then softer, she said, "We belong together."
     

 
     
     
     
    Chapter Seven
     
    Did he hear what he thought he heard? For a moment he felt a flash of pure hope before his usual guilt swamped him. Did he truly deserve the joy she spoke of earlier?
    "I know you have feelings for me, whether you choose to express them or not," Elizabeth said softly.
    "Have I said—?"
    "I saw the painting."
    She'd seen the painting? His breath stilled in his chest as embarrassment warred with confusion. "Now you know my deepest secrets."
    "Nay," she said softly. "Your secrets are still your own. I have no idea why you painted me or what the portrait truly means. Perhaps you'll explain it to me in time."
    He wanted to accuse her of overstepping her bounds, wanted to make her feel as exposed as he felt right now. "You had no right to go upstairs and into my old chamber. The girls know better."
    He was glad when she flinched. "They went to the second floor because I asked them. They only wanted to please you, as did I." She drew back from him. "What I found in your bedchamber was much more than I expected. And I'm not talking about the painting. You've abandoned that room and that part of your life. Why?"
    He frowned. "It was easier to abandon my past than revisit it."
    She met his gaze. "The past and our experiences there can be a teacher instead of a tormentor. Sometimes we have to go through certain trials in order to become the person we are today." Elizabeth's gaze sharpened on him. "Perhaps it's time you to face your demons, Lucius. Then, maybe you'll find the happiness you are withholding from yourself."
    She turned and strode away from him, heading back to the manor, leaving him alone in the chill night as the truth of her words resonated within him.
    Was she right? Was he prolonging his own suffering by not accepting his past?
     
    After the house had settled for the night, Lucius crept up the two flights of stairs to his old room. He stood in front of the partially open door. He clutched a brace of candles in his hand as grief rippled through him, one wave after another, leaving him chilled and unsettled.
    He couldn't seem to make himself move forward into the chamber. He just stood there, seeing a hundred moments pass through his mind's eye. Like the time he'd won his first mock battle against Marcus…or the day Peter had been thrown from his horse and