Free Chasing William by Therese McFadden Page B

note
on the back with her own type of confession:
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know he loved
you. I wish I could be a better friend. Hope this helps
–Prudence.
    I want to be touched, but she is taking the
coward’s way out. She knows what she could do to be a better friend
and she refused.
    Looking at the picture has a strange effect
on me. William is so alive! His eyes are bright and looking at me,
his face is smiling, and I remember we were happy. He hadn’t been
doing the thing that killed him (or what they claimed killed him)
back then. Things were starting to get bad, but neither of us
thought it would end in him going to ‘“That Place”’ – or that he
wouldn’t have a future to make up for his past.
    I have everything wrong again. Big surprise.
This thing with Amanda, whatever it is(I can’t really call it a
fight because there isn’t a real issue that caused it. It just is) had gotten my perspective out of focus. A petty fight
isn’t worth focusing your life on, no matter how much of a bitch
Amanda is acting like. She doesn’t realize that whatever she thinks
I’ve done to her is taking over her whole world and the more
miserable I am the more she thinks she’s winning. The more she wins
the more Amanda wants to play. The more I think about it, the
simpler it all seems. I’ve never be able to make Amanda see reason.
She has to grow up on her own. I can take myself out of the game.
If I stop responding the way she wants me to, Amanda will no longer
have control, and knowing her, she’d rather quit than lose. All I
have to do is pretend to be happy, treat Amanda like nothing had
ever happened. That is how I will respond to her blog post, to how
she’s been treating me. I’ll act like nothing is wrong. I’ll
pretend I am happy. Maybe if I pretend for long enough, things will
actually start getting better. This thing with Amanda though, is
all just the beginning. I’ll have plenty of time to come up with a
strategy later. Today will start the foundation, but after that
everything will be about William. He will be my priority for the
next week. Him and me, figuring out why life stopped making
sense.
    “Christine? Are you feeling alright? I can
call school if you need another personal day!”
    I don’t have a real plan but I know where to
start. I run downstairs to meet my mom. I can’t wait for Minnesota.
Things are going to start happening. They have to.
    Amanda doesn’t give me much of a chance to
try out my new strategy. She avoids me most of the day. I think Pru
may have told her I found out about the blog, and she doesn’t want
to be forced to own up to it now that I am finally back. At least
that shows a little conscience on her part. If she doesn’t want to
be called out on it, she knows it was wrong, and that people won’t
be able to take her side after something like that. It will all
have to come out eventually. We have English together and there is
no way Amanda can get out of seeing me at least once.
    Miss R. has the room decorated for the
holidays with snowflakes on the windows and candy canes taped to
the wall. She must have just decorated for the week because I can’t
remember anything being up before my mental health break. I haven’t
even started thinking about Christmas. I mean, that’s why we were
getting the break, but I haven’t had time to think about the actual
holidays. I guess that is something else to go on my post-Minnesota
list.
    Amanda walks in right as Miss R. starts to
hand out our tests. Amanda looks at me, then quickly looks at her
desk. I’m not going to let her get off that easy. She’s going to
have to acknowledge my existence a little better than that.
    “Alright, here’s your last test of the
semester. Test, of course, because seniors don’t have exams. But
you all better have studied, because this test is worth the same as
if you did have an exam. Get it? Good. It’s hard, but because I’m
supposed to be preparing you for college I don’t