Free Random by Tom Leveen Page B

something I want to really talk about.”
    â€œOh, come on. How hot and sexy can a first kiss be?”
    â€œIt’s not that,” I say. “It’s just, the other guys put him up to it. So I felt kind of used, to be honest. If you can be used in seventh grade.”
    â€œOh. Sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed.”
    I sigh, and don’t bother making it silent. I want him to hear it. “It’s okay. What about yours?”
    â€œWith Kayla?”
    â€œOr whoever.”
    â€œKayla . . .” Andy trails off. I imagine him staring into the distance through the rainy windshield.
    â€œIt took a long time,” he says finally. “To kiss, I mean.”
    â€œThat’s a bummer.”
    Noah makes a scribbling motion with his right hand. I point to my desk. He gets up, rummages around, and finds a notepad and Sharpie. On the pad he writes, “This is suicidal?”
    I hold up a finger to indicate Just wait .
    â€œIt was okay, though,” Andy is saying. “She was really . . . you know, affectionate? And I liked that. We went pretty slow. And I didn’t know until then that that’s kind of what I wanted.”
    â€œAre you sure you’re a boy? Because the guys I know are not into slow going.”
    Noah offers me a big jokey shrug as if to say, We can’t help it.
    Andy gives another low laugh. “Pretty sure,” he says.
    â€œSo—I mean, not to be crude or anything, but did she cheat on you or something?” That seemed to be the way these things went. So I’d heard.
    Andy is silent again for a bit before saying, “No. But nobody knew. Nobody knew we were together. Everyone just thought we were friends. Really good friends, but nothing else. Even her mom didn’t know. Still doesn’t know we were together, really.”
    â€œWhy didn’t Kayla tell anyone you were together? Was she . . . embarrassed by you or something?” I ask. Suddenly I wonder if Andy is this disfigured monster or something, that my long-hair, high-cheekbones imagining of him is merely wishful thinking. Comic book nerd notwithstanding.
    â€œI don’t think so, not specifically. But . . . maybe. Yeah. I didn’t blame her. It was kind of a first for both of us. I mean, we had to make it up as we went along.”
    â€œYou never dated anyone before?”
    â€œNo one like Kayla.”
    I sit on the bed, beside but not too near Noah. He’s leaning over with his elbows on his knees, face tight in concentration.
    â€œWhat was it about her?” I ask. “What made her so special?”
    â€œShe . . . she completed me,” Andy says.
    Noah’s serious face breaks, and he makes a jerk-off gesture. I almost laugh out loud, and smack his shoulder. It’s such a relief having him here, but I also need him to understand just how much of my ass is on the line. He grabs the notepad again and scrawls, “Not buying it!”
    I write a question mark. He writes, “This kid is not going to kill himself.”
    â€œGod, I know how awful that sounds,” Andy says. “It’s so cliché and lame, but I don’t know how else to put it. I could be who I am without worrying about it for the first time in my life, when I was with her.”
    He pauses.
    â€œShe made it okay to be me.”
    Some smart-ass remark whistles through my brain, but it’s gone before I can really seize it. Then I’m grateful it’s gone. I don’t want to make fun of something like that. Even Noah lets that one go.
    â€œThen my dad started getting suspicious,” Andy goes on.
    â€œSuspicious about what?”
    â€œThat we were doing a lot more than staying up all night watching movies or whatever,” Andy says. “Which is exactly what we were doing.”
    â€œAnd makin’ out,” I can’t help but say.
    â€œSometimes.”
    â€œHe didn’t like