Free Adventures with Max and Louise by Ellyn Oaksmith

being escorted out in this manner. Was he talking to me? Did he really want me to wait for him? There’s not enough time to mull things over. Denise and I are hustled out the door and told that if we come back, we’ll both be thrown in jail. When I politely inform them that I did nothing wrong, they smirk.
    “Yeah, you did,” Dumb replies. “You sat by her.”
    Laughing far too hard for such a lame joke, they leave us on the steps.
    While I glare at her, Denise coolly lights a cigarette
    “Assholes,” I mutter as the cops disappear inside City Hall building.
    Denise turns to me. “I thought that went pretty well, don’t you?”
    “No, Denise, I do not call getting kicked out of a court room going well. I call it lousy. How can you yell like that? How can you insult people and swear your head off like that in public?”
    She shrugs. “I dunno. It comes naturally.”
    “Well, you’re very gifted at creating public scenes.”
    “Thank you.” She smiles, pleased.
    “Next time, I’m staying in bed,” I grouse. Chas’s image pops into my mind. Maybe this wasn’t such a bust after all.
    A reporter follows us out, asking for a picture. Denise hands me her cigarette, smiling prettily. The flash pops. “You want a shot of me in front of the Colony? We’re walking over there right now.”
    I grind the cigarette out with my heel, pick it up and grabbing Denise’s arm, deposit it in her hand before she can see what I’m doing. “I’m not.”
    “Come on, Molly, they want a photo.”
    “I’m waiting here,” I reply with some misgivings. It’s a lot colder than I thought. There’s a swift wind blowing up from Elliott Bay, and I’m coatless.
    “For what?” Denise gives me a curious look, as though realizing I might have a life beyond bailing her out of jail. There ought to be a school where they teach the youngest sibling that she, in fact, is not the planet around which others rotate.
    “None of your business,” I sniff, happy to have a secret. Chas wants to see me. Anyway, that’s what I think.
    “I thought I’d give you a ride home.”
    Denise is a horrid driver, slow, indecisive, and paranoid. “No, thanks. I’m fine,” I say evenly.
    She tilts her head like a spaniel, flipping from bold provocateur to my playful kid sister in an instant. “Come on; tell me who you’re waiting for.”
    “No.”
    “Pu-lease?” The kooky outfit and red curls make her look like a Groovy Girl doll come to life.
    “Your potential photo op is leaving.” I gesture to the photographer, who was hurrying toward a coffee shop.
    She waves at me as she leaves, walking backward in her clunky shoes, almost tripping. “Hey, I forgot to thank you for bailing me out! You sure you don’t need a ride?”
    “Positive.” This time, nothing will get between me and Chas Bowerman.
    A HALF HOUR later, I’m regretting my decision. I should have taken Denise’s offer of a ride, or at least had her wait with me at the bus stop. It’s late fall. Most people are buried in down coats. I’m shivering in my shirt, pacing, rubbing my arms, and all but lighting a fire to keep warm. And what am I doing? Waiting for a phantom lover, the unwitting lead actor in Life According to Molly, who in reality is still more interested in my hot older sister. I’m a twenty-five-year-old woman, not some pathetic high school girl with a crush. I’m going to call a cab.
    I wave my hand into traffic. Three minutes later a yellow cab dashes across two lanes of traffic, almost causing an accident. The driver scoots over to the passenger side, eagerly rolling down the window.
    “Hop in!” he says, addressing my breasts.
    I wait for him to look at me in the eyes. When he doesn’t, I shake my head.
    “That’s okay. I changed my mind. I’m going to walk.” I step back. “Thanks anyway.”
    The scowling driver guns his cab into oncoming traffic. Lesson number two: big breasts, when positioned correctly, can get you cabs. Not that I’d want to ride