Free Woman of the Hour by Jane Lythell

several bottles of spirits on the dresser, vodka, gin and whisky. I was doing that protective mum thing you do, instinctively carrying out an inventory of the room, assessing the risk factors. I looked at the ceiling to see if there was a smoke detector and couldn’t see one.
    ‘Are your parents in, Paige?’ I asked.
    ‘No, they’re at work.’
    ‘Ahh, I see. I wanted to introduce myself. Do you know what time they’ll be back?’
    Paige shrugged.
    ‘Not sure. Think Mum said she was gonna be late tonight.’
    I could see all too clearly the appeal of Paige’s house. With absent parents the two girls could do their own thing, cook oven chips and smoke to their heart’s delight. I wanted to get Flo back over the road into our flat.
    ‘Why don’t you come over to ours? I’ve got pizza and I’m making flapjacks tonight.’
    I had made up the bit about the flapjacks on the spot. Flo loves my flapjacks and I hoped I had the ingredients in the cupboard. Paige looked over at Flo who shrugged and looked non-committal.
    ‘We were going to watch Vampire Diaries ,’ Paige said.
    I could see that Flo was waiting for Paige to decide what they should do. This made me feel even more irritated but I bit back my irritation.
    ‘We have Netflix,’ I said.
    Another look passed between the girls. They liked being in that unsupervised house and they knew they would not be able to smoke under my roof. But I was offering nice food.
    ‘OK,’ Paige said finally.
    Before we left the house I reminded Paige to blow out the candle on the dresser. She gave me a strange look but went over and did it.
    ‘Should you leave a note for your mum saying where you are?’
    ‘I’ll text her later.’
    As soon as we arrived at our flat the girls retreated to Flo’s room and shut the door. Later Mr Crooks came in and yowled at the door until Flo let him in. I put on the oven to heat up and plugged in the earphones to my iPod as I made the flapjack mixture. James Blunt is my guilty pleasure. I love his strange voice and his heart-sick ballads but I know better than to play them out loud in the flat. I greased the baking tin then melted the butter, brown sugar and honey in a saucepan. I use honey rather than golden syrup. My favourite track came on, ‘Same Mistake’, and I sang along to the chorus about it being no good his being given a second chance because he’d just make the same mistake again.
    These words resonate strongly with me. I am always attracted to the same type of man and it usually ends in tears. I am more careful these days and am keeping Todd at arm’s length, but it is inescapable how much like Ben he is. Todd worked as a cameraman like Ben, although now he is a director. He is also a man who enjoys taking risks. I took the pan off the heat and stirred in the porridge oats.
    The next track was ‘Carry You Home’. I try to bury the memory but it will resurface. Seven years ago I had a frightening experience with Julius. It was the night of the staff Christmas party. StoryWorld make a point of throwing a good bash at the end of the year and the party was held in the atrium which had been transformed into a 1980s-style disco with loud music, flashing lights and lots of booze. I had recently split up with Ben after months of bitter fights. Flo was staying with my mum in Glasgow and I was going to join them in five days’ time for the Christmas break. I had been holding difficult emotions down for months and I was like a pressure cooker ready to blow as I set off for the party.
    I remember I was wearing a satin shift dress the colour of blackberries which I’d bought for Christmas. I was hyper all evening, drank too much and later I was dancing with wild abandon to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ and ‘I Will Survive’, getting some of my misery out of my system. Julius was standing at the edge of the dance floor watching me. I saw him and at one point I even suggested he join me. He shook his head but still he watched me.