Free Landry in Like by Krysten Lindsay Hager

over to Mr. and Mrs. Russell, and I tried to keep my eyes off the big gray casket at the front of the room.
    â€œLandry, honey, oh thank you for coming,” Mrs. Russell said, taking both my hands. “Could you do me a big favor? Ashanti isn’t handling the whole thing too well. She’s sitting in the lounge by herself, and I would appreciate it if you’d go find her and make sure she’s okay.”
    â€œSure.”
    â€œDo you want me to go with you?” my mom asked. Was it just me or did Mom look like she wanted to bolt, too?
    I shook my head and went to find Ashanti. She was sitting on a big pale blue couch in the lounge playing on her phone.
    â€œHey.”
    She stood up, ran over, and threw her arms around me. “Thank you so much for coming.”
    â€œAre you okay?”
    â€œYeah… no. This whole thing just stinks. I feel guilty and no one is saying I’m a selfish jerk, but I can’t get past it. My last time to see my grandmother and I miss it for a dumb cheerleading thing so some high school girls would think I was cool,” she said. “And you know what? They barely acknowledged my existence at that stupid practice. I sat on a bleacher and watched. The only people I talked to were Maggie and Halle. Yasmin was too busy kissing up to the high school girls to even talk to me.”
    I shifted and felt uncomfortable. It almost sounded like Ashanti had been hoping to spend time with Yasmin.
    â€œBut you didn’t know that’s what was going to happen. I mean, it could have been important for you to be at that practice.”
    â€œYeah, but it wasn’t. At least not as important as seeing my grandma,” she said. “Oh, but I wrote the letter.”
    â€œThe one to your grandma?”
    â€œYup, I poured everything into it: all the fun times we had, how much she meant to me, how I’d miss her. I cried my eyes out writing it. Seriously, I bawled, but when I was done I felt better. Like I knew she had heard me somehow. And for the first time since it happened, I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and feel like barfing.”
    â€œI’m glad it helped you feel better.”
    â€œIt was like I got a lot of the guilt and stuff out. I still feel like a brat, but at least I feel like my granny knows I loved her.”
    I nodded. “My mom did the letter thing once. She said it helped her, too.”
    â€œI’m so glad you came. I was completely panicking when we walked in and I saw Grandma all out in the open. My dad said he doesn’t remember if he warned me about that or not. He seemed kinda thrown himself, so I’m not sure he was aware she was going to be shown. I think Mom handled it and assumed we would all be cool with it, but, guess what? I wasn’t. It’s such a weird thing. Whose idea was it to say, ‘Hey, let’s have people come in and see their loved ones after they’re… you know… gone. It’s creepy and morbid,” she said shuddering.
    â€œThis is the first time I’ve ever seen someone in a funeral home.”
    Her eyes widened. “Mine, too. Are you okay with it? I know she’s not your grandma, but it can’t be easy.”
    â€œWell, I wasn’t expecting it, but I wanted to be here for you, so whatever. I’ll deal with it,” I said, not adding I had prayed for that image not to show up in my dreams as I walked into the room.
    Ashanti hugged me. “You’re a good friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
    â€œSame here.”
    â€œAnd I hope I never have to, but if, you know, something happened, well, I’d be there for you, too.”
    â€œI know you would.”
    â€œYou’ll notice Maggie’s not around, even though she said she’d come. Halle’s mom dropped a casserole over before. I know Halle has gymnastics tonight, so I get that she’s busy with that and homework, but I would