âPeople donât go and find witchcraft, it comes and finds them.â
âYes, yes,â said Magrat. âSorry.â
âRight,â said Granny, slightly mollified. Sheâd never mastered the talent for apologizing, but she appreciated it in other people.
âWhat about this new duke, then,â said Nanny, to lighten the atmosphere.
Granny sat back. âHe had some houses burned down in Bad Ass,â she said. âBecause of taxes.â
âHow horrible,â said Magrat.
âOld King Verence used to do that,â said Nanny. âTerrible temper he had.â
â
He
used to let people get out first, though,â said Granny.
âOh yes,â said Nanny, who was a staunch royalist. âHe could be very gracious like that. Heâd payfor them to be rebuilt, as often as not. If he remembered.â
âAnd every Hogswatchnight, a side of venison. Regular,â said Granny wistfully.
âOh, yes. Very respectful to witches, he was,â added Nanny Ogg. âWhen he was out hunting people, if he met me in the woods, it was always off with his helmet and âI hope I finds you well, Mistress Oggâ and next day heâd send his butler down with a couple of bottles of something. He was a proper king.â
âHunting people isnât really right, though,â said Magrat.
âWell, no,â Granny Weatherwax conceded. âBut it was only if theyâd done something bad. He said they enjoyed it really. And he used to let them go if they gave him a good run.â
âAnd then there was that great hairy thing of his,â said Nanny Ogg.
There was a perceptible change in the atmosphere. It became warmer, darker, filled at the corners with the shadows of unspoken conspiracy.
âAh,â said Granny Weatherwax distantly. âHis droit de seigneur.â
âNeeded a lot of exercise,â said Nanny Ogg, staring at the fire.
âBut next day heâd send his housekeeper round with a bag of silver and a hamper of stuff for the wedding,â said Granny. âMany a couple got a proper start in life thanks to that.â
âAh,â agreed Nanny. âOne or two individuals, too.â
âEvery inch a king,â said Granny.
âWhat are you talking about?â said Magrat suspiciously. âDid he keep pets?â
The two witches surfaced from whatever deepercurrent they had been swimming in. Granny Weatherwax shrugged.
âI must say,â Magrat went on, in severe tones, âif you think so much of the old king, you donât seem very worried about him being killed. I mean, it was a pretty suspicious accident.â
âThatâs kings for you,â said Granny. âThey come and go, good and bad. His father poisoned the king we had before.â
âThat was old Thargum,â said Nanny Ogg. âHad a big red beard, I recall. He was very gracious too, you know.â
âOnly now no-one must say Felmet killed the king,â said Magrat.
âWhat?â said Granny.
âHe had some people executed in Lancre, the other day for saying it,â Magrat went on. âSpreading malicious lies, he said. He said anyone saying different will see the inside of his dungeons, only not for long. He said Verence died of natural causes.â
âWell, being assassinated
is
natural causes for a king,â said Granny. âI donât see why heâs so sheepish about it. When old Thargum was killed they stuck his head on a pole, had a big bonfire and everyone in the palace got drunk for a week.â
âI remember,â said Nanny. âThey carried his head all round the villages to show he was dead. Very convincing, I thought. Specially for him. He was grinning. I think it was the way he would have liked to go.â
âI think we might have to keep an eye on this one, though,â said Granny. âI think he might be a bit clever. Thatâs not a good thing, in a
Arne Dahl, Tiina Nunnally