Free Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf by Robert T. Jeschonek

Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf
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    By
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    Robert T. Jeschonek

    Chapter 1
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    "Look!" Tommy Puke, the most disgusting kid in town --and my only friend--points a filthy finger at a shadowy niche in the sewer wall. "There it is!"
    As I lean forward to look over his shoulder, my eyes c ross from the stench of his body odor . I want to lean back to get away fr om the smell...but then I catch sight of what he' s pointing at , gleaming in the flare of his flashlight .
    It looks like a golden blob, as if a bar of pure gold had melted into a puddle, then hardened again. The puddle i s lumpy, as if the molten gold had oozed over a cluster of pebbles . Either that...
    ...or it's exactly what he said it was . The object of the crazy and stomach-churning quest he's taken me on. The legendary prize that' s supposed to change my life forever.
    Solid gold vomit.

    "You know what this means, don't you , Josh ?" Tommy scratches his he ad, and dandruff flakes shower down from his unwashed rat's nest of hair . "We're close now! This is his lair! "
    I look around nervously. "Do you really think so?"
    "We're about to find him!" Tommy turns and grins . A bell clapper of glistening green goo ha ng s inside his left nostril. "We're going to meet the s on of the god of vomit! We're about to throw down with the Boy Who Barfs Gold!"
    Suddenly, a strange voice booms from the darkness ahead . "Don't you mean throw up ?"
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    *****
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    Chapter 2
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    How did a nice, neat kid like me get mixed up with a boy like Tommy Puke? He saved me with his loogies, that's how.
    The first time I met Tommy, three eighth-grade goons were kicking my butt. They'd gotten off the bus at my stop, then chased me up the block and caught me at the corner. They said it was "Sixth-Grader Idol" day, and if I passed the audition, they were going to beat me up every day after school .
    "Lucky you!" The biggest goon, Brendan, let me have it in the gut while his buddy Crick held my arms. "You're a star!"
    The other goon, wiry Red, shot video with his cell phone and laughed like a donkey. "Smile for the camera, Jiggles!"
    When I heard that nickname, it went through me like a lightning bolt. A kid in my class, Zach, had come up with it, and the name had stuck. All because I'd gotten nervous giving a speech. Could I help it if I got the shakes sometimes?
    My belly still ached from the first punch when Brendan hauled back his fist for the second. "Don't keep it all inside , Baby Jiggles. Feel free to cry for your fans!"
    Punch number two felt like a wrecking ball plowing into my stomach. The pain made me want to double over, but Crick wouldn't let me. Laughing, he jerked me straighter, setting me up for the next attack.
    Brendan grinned at the camera. "How was that?" He flexed his arm and gave his bicep a big kiss.
    " Quit holding back!" Red hustled closer, sticking the camera in my face. "Check it out! Jigs is laughing at you!"
    Brendan shoved Red out of the way and pinched my chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Jiggles, Jiggles, Jiggles. You think this is funny ?"
    I shook my head. It wasn't the slightest bit funny to me.
    " Hey, Crick. " Brendan pinched my chin harder, twisting my head around. " What did we do to that funny kid the other day?"
    "It was hilarious!" Crick's breath hit the back of my head as he laughed. "Step one, strip him naked !"
    Red was also laughing. "Step two, make him dance for the camera!"
    Brendan let go of my chin and slapped me hard across the face. "Step three, post it online. And step four..."
    He never got to step four.
    Before Brendan could make another move, Red screamed at the top of his lungs. We all looked in his direction at once.
    Red had dropped the cell phone and was wiping some kind of yellow goop from his eyes. Wailing and scowling, he hopped from foot to foot as he swabbed at the slimy substance.
    "What the hey?" Brendan stared, then broke into a laugh. "Did a bird crap on you or something, Red?"
    "Get it off me!