Free If I Could Be With You by Mary Mamie Hardesty

room. I haven’t been sleeping in there anyway.”
    Charles coughed uncomfortably and squeezed her hand hard. Except for the ever-present sound of sirens and city life, silence filled the room. Nadia blinked a few times, unsure of what to say to the confirmation that this situation she had come home to was indeed more than a friendly visit from an old family friend.
    “I am,” she said quietly. “Tired that is.”
    More silence.
    “I’ll go move my things,” Hannah said. She pulled her hand free and turned quickly towards the blue room. With every step she took, her anger and embarrassment grew. If he had just told Nadia the truth from the beginning she wouldn’t be in this mortifying situation. If he had been brave enough to risk the safety of his friendly marriage of convenience, maybe things could have been different.
    She began throwing things into her bag. Each shirt became a curse word and before she knew it she had strung together a chain of profanity of which she hadn’t known she was capable. She looked around the room obviously intended for his “wife” and let the feelings overtake her. Had she been used? Did he even want her to really consider a life with him or was she just a fun time until Nadia returned. Had he expected her to end things and return to Ohio for good? That’s why he hadn’t told Nadia she was there. He thought he could satisfy a childhood longing and stay in his charade of a marriage.
    The anger led her into the bathroom where she packed up her shampoo and conditioner. Her mind flashed back upon the shower that first day and how he’s heard her calling his name. She flushed in humiliation and reached for her make-up bag and toothbrush. Where else did she have things in the apartment? She needed to get them all now because she was walking out that door and not coming back. Her last two weeks in New York would be on a charge card at the Holiday Inn.
    She threw open the door to his bedroom and picked up his T-shirt she’d been sleeping in. She pressed it to her face and the smell of him seeped into every cell in her body. Tears threatened to fall and she dropped it to the floor. She needed to move on. Saying I love you had been a mistake. Thinking this could be real, that she could have a life in the city and with him…just a pipe dream.
    She didn’t have it in her to hurt or fight with someone like Nadia. The woman was going to stake her claim; it was evident in her eyes. It would get ugly and in the long run she wasn’t confident that Charles would actually pick her. Their history may have been chronologically longer but his time with Nadia contained more content.
    She heard the click of the door behind her. She bent and picked up the shirt, folded it, and put it on the corner of the bed. Hands framed her shoulders from behind before arms encircled her. His cheek touched her cheek.
    “I’m sorry,” He whispered. “I know this is hard but please don’t leave me.”
    He turned her to face him, but she looked away focusing her eyes on the dresser and the alarm clock with its red numbers changing before her eyes. Minutes passed before she pushed him away.
    “I know you are.”
    “This can still work, Hannah.”
    “Don’t fool yourself, Charlie. From the moment I arrived, it was all just a lovely fantasy, wish fulfillment on both our parts. Your reality is home now and I’m leaving.”
    “I don’t want you to leave. This isn’t some damn adolescent fantasy, Hannah. I love you.”
    “You love me? You don’t show me you love me by inviting me to sleep with you in your bed two doors away from your wife. You don’t show me you love me by not explaining from the get go that I am more than a house-guest to her. You want to know how to show me you love me, Charlie?”
    He stood staring at her, arms at his side.
    “Grow up,” she said. “If I’ve left anything behind give it to Mel. I’ll get it from her before I head home.”
    She returned to Nadia’s room and grabbed