Free Malgudi Days by R. K. Narayan Page B

police.’
    â€˜Bah!’ exclaimed the newcomer. ‘As if I didn’t know what these police were.’
    â€˜Yes, you must have had countless occasions to know the police. And you will see more of them yet in your miserable life, if you don’t get beaten to death like the street mongrel you are,’ said Rajam Iyer in great passion. ‘With your foul mouth you are bound to come to that end.’
    â€˜What do you say?’ shouted the newcomer menacingly. ‘What do you say, you vile humbug?’
    â€˜Shut up,’ Rajam Iyer cried.
    â€˜You shut up.’
    â€˜Do you know to whom you are talking?’
    â€˜What do I care who the son of a mongrel is?’
    â€˜I will thrash you with my slippers,’ said Rajam Iyer.
    â€˜I will pulp you down with an old rotten sandal,’ came the reply.
    â€˜I will kick you,’ said Rajam Iyer.
    â€˜Will you?’ howled the newcomer.
    â€˜Come on, let us see.’
    Both rose to their feet simultaneously.
    There they stood facing each other on the floor of the compartment. Rajam Iyer was seized by a sense of inferiority. The newcomer stood nine clean inches over him. He began to feel ridiculous, short and fat, wearing a loose dhoti and a green coat, while the newcomer towered above him in his grease-spotted khaki suit. Out of the corner of his eye he noted that the other passengers were waiting eagerly to see how the issue would be settled and were not in the least disposed to intervene.
    â€˜Why do you stand as if your mouth was stopped with mud?’ asked the newcomer.
    â€˜Shut up,’ Rajam Iyer snapped, trying not to be impressed by the size of the adversary.
    â€˜Your honour said that you would kick me,’ said the newcomer, pretending to offer himself.
    â€˜Won’t I kick you?’ asked Rajam Iyer.
    â€˜Try.’
    â€˜No,’ said Rajam Iyer, ‘I will do something worse.’
    â€˜Do it,’ said the other, throwing forward his chest and pushing up the sleeves of his coat.
    Rajam Iyer removed his coat and rolled up his sleeves. He rubbed his hands and commanded suddenly, ‘Stand still!’ The newcomer was taken aback. He stood for a second baffled. Rajam Iyer gave him no time to think. With great force he swung his right arm and brought it near the other’s cheek, but stopped it short without hitting him.
    â€˜Wait a minute, I think I had better give you a chance,’ said Rajam Iyer.
    â€˜What chance?’ asked the newcomer.
    â€˜It would be unfair if I did it without giving you a chance.’
    â€˜Did what?’
    â€˜You stand there and it will be over in a fraction of a second.’
    â€˜Fraction of a second? What will you do?’
    â€˜Oh, nothing very complicated,’ replied Rajam Iyer nonchalantly, ‘nothing very complicated. I will slap your right cheek and at the same time tug your left ear, and your mouth, which is now under your nose, will suddenly find itself under your left ear, and, what is more, stay there. I assure you, you won’t feel any pain.’
    â€˜What do you say?’
    â€˜And it will all be over before you say “Sri Rama”.’
    â€˜I don’t believe it,’ said the newcomer.
    â€˜Well and good. Don’t believe it,’ said Rajam Iyer carelessly. ‘I never do it except under extreme provocation.’
    â€˜Do you think I am an infant?’
    â€˜I implore you, my man, not to believe me. Have you heard of a thing called jujitsu? Well, this is a simple trick in jujitsu perhaps known to half a dozen persons in the whole of South India.’
    â€˜You said you would kick me,’ said the newcomer.
    â€˜Well, isn’t this worse?’ asked Rajam Iyer. He drew a line on the newcomer’s face between his left ear and mouth, muttering, ‘I must admit you have a tolerably good face and round figure. But imagine yourself going about the streets with your mouth under your left