Free Once More (Mercy Heart #1) by Madeline Rooks

hurting you.”
    She took a breath before she continued with calm strength.  “Clem, this all just proves that I shouldn’t move with you.  I’m not ready for taking this step.  I feel like I have so much more to learn before I can make any kind of commitment to someone else.”
    Surely he hadn’t heard her right.  The feeling in his chest was so foreign, an ache that he knew wouldn’t go away anytime soon.  “You…you can’t be serious.  We can make this work.  We can figure it out together.  I can make you happy.”
    “I don’t doubt that, Clem.  Being with you does make me happy.” He started to interrupt her, but she continued.  “But I need to do this on my own, for myself, to prove I can do it.” 
    He wondered for a moment if he should tell her she was wrong, that depending on him and accepting his love wouldn’t be a sign of weakness.  But he knew that wasn’t fair to her, and if anyone knew the importance of making your own way, it was him.  “I – I understand.”  He held her close, breathing in her scent, memorizing the perfect way her body felt in his arms.  Nothing else would ever compare.  “The offer still stands, you know.  I still want you to come to California with me.”
    She hugged him back, relishing the feeling of being completely wrapped up in his warmth.  “I can’t.  I need to finish what I started here.  Becoming a nurse is important to me.”  She pulled back out of his arms, and he gifted her with the sweetest, briefest kiss on her lips.               
    He rested his forehead on hers, whispering, “I don’t want to let you go.  I know as soon as you get in that car, it’s over.”  He wanted to tell her that if she asked him to stay, he would.  God knows he didn’t really need the money.  But he had to admit that part of him wanted her to want him to stay, and at this moment, he didn’t want to risk the chance that he might hear the opposite. 
    She stepped out of his arms, and sat down in the driver’s seat.  “Best to just get it over with then, like a Band-Aid.” She reached out to shut the door, but he grabbed her hand, holding it for just a few moments more.
    “Good-bye, angel,” he said, dropping her hand, trying to swallow his grief.
    She smiled bleakly at him, shut her door and drove away, Clem still standing in the driveway, watching her leave.  As she drove home, she couldn’t help but think about the decision that she was making.  Could she really say goodbye to him?  Though she hated to admit it, she knew she had to.  She needed to return to focus on what was most important to her.  She would take her nursing boards and start her career at the hospital.  In the short time she had been with Clem, she had experienced a lot of things she had been missing in her life, and now she could take that experience, move on and strike a balance between her personal life and her professional life once she got settled in her new job. 
    Feeling a renewed sense of purpose, she turned her car off and headed upstairs.  Once she walked into her apartment, the burst of resilience she had disappeared when she went into her bedroom and faced her unmade bed, which hadn’t been touched since she and Clem had left it the previous morning.  His scent still lingered in the air, and suddenly, her tears came rushing back.  She kicked off her shoes and climbed into her bed fully clothed, clinging to the pillow he’d been sleeping on for the past few nights, and sobbed until she cried herself to sleep, her heart breaking as one dream slipped away.
    *    *     *    *
    The graduation festivities had died down at the frat house.  Clem and Jack were the only ones still awake, with Clem killing any bottle of alcohol he could find as fast as he could get it down.  Though the liquor should have warmed him, his body felt ice cold.  His heart, the miserable bastard, continued to beat in his chest, though it felt pointless now.