Free Coming Clean by C. L. Parker Page B

“I’m
tired
.”
    She did look tired. Not only tired, defeated. There was an empty sort of sadness to eyes that were once as vibrant and green as new leaves in the spring. They were puffy and red now, and the tip of her nose was tinged pink. She’d been crying. I’d done that, hadn’t I? How had I missed it before?
    “I’m sorry,” I told her, meaning every single syllable.
    She shook her head. “I wish that fixed things, but it doesn’t.”
    “What will? Tell me. I’ll do anything. Just don’t leave me.
Please
.” I’d never begged for anything, had never felt the need to because there wasn’t anything I’d wanted bad enough.
    The room went quiet except for the whooshing sounds Abe made as he flew Superman through the air. I turned to look at him, unable to fight the grin that tugged at my lips when Superman swooped down to punch Batman with a loud “Pow!” from my baby boy.
    Cassidy stooped down to Abe’s level, stilling his play as she gave him a forced smile with tears swimming in her eyes. “Sweetie, I want you to go play in your room for a little bit while Mommy and Daddy have a talk. Okay?”
    “We’re not going bye-bye, Mommy?”
    “You’re not going anywhere, little man. You’re staying right here,” I told him.
    Cassidy gave me a disapproving look, then turned back to Abe. “Not just yet, baby. Be my sweet boy and go play for now.”
    “Okay!”
    Cassidy kissed our son’s forehead before he grabbed up his toys and ran off to his room. When she stood, she used the back of her hand to wipe a tear from her cheek and then faced me again.
    I wanted to wrap my arms around her and thank God for the near miss of losing the woman I loved, but I knew I couldn’t. Not yet. For one, the vibes were all kinds of “keep your distance” and for two, though I was relieved she hadn’t left, I was also pissed that walking out on me and taking my son had been the plan.
    “Cassidy, you’re my everything,” I told her because I meant it.
    She nodded with a sniffle. “You say I’m you’re everything and then treat me like I’m nothing. Actions speak louder than words. And if that saying is true, I also have to believe that your job is more important than your family.”
    Well, damn.
“That’s not true.” When she just looked at me, I became more determined, taking her face in my hands and making her look at me. “It isn’t. You and Abe…I can’t. I can’t lose you. You’re all I have, all I ever want.”
    “Things haven’t been right between us for quite some time now, Shaw. You know I’m right.”
    She was. No matter how hard I tried to remain in denial about it, to go about my day as if everything was hunky-dory, it wasn’t. We’d become distant, in large part, thanks to my determination to not fail my family. But all couples went through that, didn’t they? That was why there was such a thing as a honeymoon phase in the first place.
    “Then tell me how to make it right, sweetness.” I brushed her cheek, but she wouldn’t look at me.
    Instead, she pulled back, putting distance between us. Too much distance. “I shouldn’t have to tell you how to make it right, Shaw. That’s something that comes naturally, instinct or something.”
    “Naturally? For someone like me?” I wanted to touch her again, but I knew she didn’t want me to, so I raked my anxious fingers through my hair instead and walked toward the window.
    The glass pane was cool when I put my forearm against it and rested my forehead on it. Looking down at all the passersby from the window of our apartment on the twentieth floor, I thought about how easy it would be to wish I could trade places with any one of them in that moment. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t because none of them had my Cassidy or my Abe in their life. And despite the shit we were wading through right now, I’d rather be with them than with anyone else. It was entirely possible that all of this was my fault. Likely, even. Not that I knew how to