Free What a Girl Needs by Kristin Billerbeck Page A

and lacy. I pick up the undies that are so out of place with all the tools and files under the bed. It’s a…sheer, gauzy (read: cheap) scrap of underwear. I feel sick to my stomach knowing this sliver of lace can’t be Kay’s because:
    A. She’s Kay.
    B. She’s never met a pair of white granny panties she didn’t love.
    C. I watch enough “20/20” to have learned that no good ever comes from unclaimed lingerie.
    I peel the tacky panties off of my shoe and shove them back under the bed, but my mind is reeling. This is Matt’s doing, but I’ll never be able to prove it. Unless Kay has met some disreputable new character at church who needed a place to stay, I’m willing to bet Matt’s responsible and that this won’t make a bit of difference to Kay.
    Granted, if I could blame the entire fall of mankind on Matt at the moment, I’d do that, too. So I’m not exactly thinking clearly, but why? Why doesn’t Kay know she deserves so much better than Matt Callaway?
    “Ashley, everyone’s arriving!” Kay calls out from the kitchen.
    I panic and shove everything on the floor under the bed. It’s nothing, I tell myself. My imagination is working overtime. I’m feeling lonely and rejected and looking for someone to blame.
    I breathe in deeply and tell myself to relax. Outside on the quiet neighborhood street, a car door slams and I peek out the window to get my first look at Seth in two years. Still bald . Yes, I’m immature, but this brings me a slight elation. Kevin has hair! Seth comes around the car, opens the passenger door, and Arin’s spindly, stick legs kick to the side as she plants her earthy sandals onto the curb. Seth doesn’t help her out, instead, he slides open the back door, reaches in and pulls out a toddler like a sack of potatoes. He sets the kid down on the sidewalk, and the little boy looks up at his mom and smiles.
    He’s darling. The toddler, not Seth. He has reddish-brown hair, which is gelled into a spiked style, and he’s wearing brown plaid shorts and an orange T-shirt with a matching brown plaid animal of some sort on the tummy. A twinge of jealously stabs at my gut as I see how easily everything came together for Seth with his ready-made family, complete with mini-van, while I’m still in flux.
    I don’t even have a job.
    “The guy lives a charmed life.”
    It makes sense that Seth would have kids first. After all, Arin was pregnant at my wedding—do the math. It’s the reason Seth married her—because missionaries who end up pregnant outside of wedlock aren’t exactly employable. They rescued one another. Seth wouldn’t have been motivated to get married unless someone needed him. Arin needed him. It didn’t hurt that she was blonde, beautiful and a size two. If Quasimodo needed his help, Seth probably wouldn’t have been so anxious to rescue, but it’s a love story in its own right.
    Arin shouts something at Seth. I can tell by the slumping expression on her face it wasn’t sweet nothings. Seth’s face darkens into a soulless gaze, and he lobs back some caustic remark. At least, that’s what I see. My heart pounds as I note the bliss I imagined for them may not be the case, and now I feel badly.
    “Ashley!” Kay shouts again.
    “I’m coming!”
    I twist around and lean up against the wall. My eyes clasp shut and I see the image of their beautiful child against my eyelids. Just another relentless reminder that at thirty-four, I’m no closer to being pregnant than I was two years ago when I first got married. I thought I was fine with that, but as I spy Seth’s son, maybe I only told myself that because I didn’t have a choice.
    I hate how this beautiful, innocent child makes me feel; covetous and never satisfied, unlike the Christian wife I promised to be when I stood before God at the altar. It was only two years ago that I thought marrying the man of my dreams was all I needed in life to be happy. I open my eyes and capture the trail of the small family