Free Board Stiff (Xanth) by Piers Anthony Page B
Authors: Piers Anthony
prompted.
“And I don’t!” Tiara wailed. “My unruly hair is simply awful! I can’t do a thing with it. I am an embarrassment to them all. So they gave me this awful sarcastic name and put me away so as to be out of sight. But I hate being alone. I am a friendly person. I wish I could find and be with someone who doesn’t care about neat hair.”
Kandy found herself warming to this distraught young woman. If only she knew how much worse things could be than having bad hair! Such as becoming a board, or being a basilisk. But the problem really wasn’t with her, it was with her narrow-minded sisters who wanted her to conform in appearance, when she couldn’t. Just letting her out would not suffice; her sisters would simply put her back in the tower.
HAVE PEWTER FIX IT she thought to Ease. Maybe that would qualify as merging.
“Maybe Pewter can fix it,” he echoed. He never questioned the origin of his thoughts, maybe assuming that anything halfway smart must be his own.
“Let me see,” Pewter said. He approached Tiara and touched her wild hair.
Immediately it settled down, becoming neatly brushed and coiffed. “Check that,” he said.
Tiara went to her mirror on the wall. “Oh!” she exclaimed, delighted. “It’s perfect! Now I can rejoin my sisters.”
“Unfortunately there’s a catch,” Pewter said. “My talent is to change reality in my immediate vicinity, but the effect won’t last when I depart. This is merely an exploratory demonstration; we have not yet solved your problem.”
“Oh!” she wailed, crushed.
COMFORT HER Kandy thought to Astrid. BRIEFLY. Because too long a hold would intoxicate her.
Astrid embraced Tiara reassuringly. Kandy was sure this was an new and unfamiliar role for the basilisk, but surely one it was worthwhile for her to learn.
In a scant two moments Tiara, reassured, stepped away, looking slightly dizzy. “At least you showed me that you understand. You don’t seem to be repulsed by my hair.”
“Your hair has flair,” Astrid said. “Personality. Your sisters are wrong to insist that it conform. They should accept you for your other features, such as your magic talent.”
“But I don’t have a talent!” Tiara wailed anew.
“Everyone has a talent,” Ease said.
“I never found mine. The only thing that distinguishes me is my awful hair.”
Hair that was supposed to be somehow merged?
“I wonder,” Pewter said thoughtfully. “If you truly can’t control it, there must be magic there, if only a curse.”
“It just wants to fly off my head,” Tiara said. “Even when I put a hat on it, it won’t stay. I even tried tying it own with a scarf knotted under my chin, but that only made me feel light-headed. Nothing works.”
“This is interesting. Perhaps we can find out the exact nature of this curse.” Pewter touched her hair again. “Hair reverts to normal.”
Immediately the hair threatened to sail off her head in a tangled cloud. “Oh, it’s back!” Tiara wailed. She was good at wailing, having had much practice.
Pewter picked up a dish from Tiara’s little counter. He held it over her head, then let go. The dish did not fall; it hovered there half a moment before starting to slide of to the side. “Anti-gravity,” Pewter said, catching it. “That is special magic.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your hair floats because it resists the magic of gravity. When you tie it down, it tries to make your head float, so you feel light headed. Your hair is your magic talent. I wonder what the limit is?”
“I don’t want it to float! I want it to behave, so I can be a regular person.”
“You are unhappy because you are trying to suppress your magic,” Astrid said. “Instead you should encourage it.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You have neat hair.”
“I have no hair at all!” Astrid snapped. “I’m a basilisk.” Then she caught herself, too late.
“A what?” Tiara asked.
“Oh, bleep! I shouldn’t have said
“And I don’t!” Tiara wailed. “My unruly hair is simply awful! I can’t do a thing with it. I am an embarrassment to them all. So they gave me this awful sarcastic name and put me away so as to be out of sight. But I hate being alone. I am a friendly person. I wish I could find and be with someone who doesn’t care about neat hair.”
Kandy found herself warming to this distraught young woman. If only she knew how much worse things could be than having bad hair! Such as becoming a board, or being a basilisk. But the problem really wasn’t with her, it was with her narrow-minded sisters who wanted her to conform in appearance, when she couldn’t. Just letting her out would not suffice; her sisters would simply put her back in the tower.
HAVE PEWTER FIX IT she thought to Ease. Maybe that would qualify as merging.
“Maybe Pewter can fix it,” he echoed. He never questioned the origin of his thoughts, maybe assuming that anything halfway smart must be his own.
“Let me see,” Pewter said. He approached Tiara and touched her wild hair.
Immediately it settled down, becoming neatly brushed and coiffed. “Check that,” he said.
Tiara went to her mirror on the wall. “Oh!” she exclaimed, delighted. “It’s perfect! Now I can rejoin my sisters.”
“Unfortunately there’s a catch,” Pewter said. “My talent is to change reality in my immediate vicinity, but the effect won’t last when I depart. This is merely an exploratory demonstration; we have not yet solved your problem.”
“Oh!” she wailed, crushed.
COMFORT HER Kandy thought to Astrid. BRIEFLY. Because too long a hold would intoxicate her.
Astrid embraced Tiara reassuringly. Kandy was sure this was an new and unfamiliar role for the basilisk, but surely one it was worthwhile for her to learn.
In a scant two moments Tiara, reassured, stepped away, looking slightly dizzy. “At least you showed me that you understand. You don’t seem to be repulsed by my hair.”
“Your hair has flair,” Astrid said. “Personality. Your sisters are wrong to insist that it conform. They should accept you for your other features, such as your magic talent.”
“But I don’t have a talent!” Tiara wailed anew.
“Everyone has a talent,” Ease said.
“I never found mine. The only thing that distinguishes me is my awful hair.”
Hair that was supposed to be somehow merged?
“I wonder,” Pewter said thoughtfully. “If you truly can’t control it, there must be magic there, if only a curse.”
“It just wants to fly off my head,” Tiara said. “Even when I put a hat on it, it won’t stay. I even tried tying it own with a scarf knotted under my chin, but that only made me feel light-headed. Nothing works.”
“This is interesting. Perhaps we can find out the exact nature of this curse.” Pewter touched her hair again. “Hair reverts to normal.”
Immediately the hair threatened to sail off her head in a tangled cloud. “Oh, it’s back!” Tiara wailed. She was good at wailing, having had much practice.
Pewter picked up a dish from Tiara’s little counter. He held it over her head, then let go. The dish did not fall; it hovered there half a moment before starting to slide of to the side. “Anti-gravity,” Pewter said, catching it. “That is special magic.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your hair floats because it resists the magic of gravity. When you tie it down, it tries to make your head float, so you feel light headed. Your hair is your magic talent. I wonder what the limit is?”
“I don’t want it to float! I want it to behave, so I can be a regular person.”
“You are unhappy because you are trying to suppress your magic,” Astrid said. “Instead you should encourage it.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You have neat hair.”
“I have no hair at all!” Astrid snapped. “I’m a basilisk.” Then she caught herself, too late.
“A what?” Tiara asked.
“Oh, bleep! I shouldn’t have said