Free Board Stiff (Xanth) by Piers Anthony

wise,” Pewter agreed. “I will act with your best interests in mind, as part of the quest.”
    “Thank you.”
    The android glanced down at Ease. “Ease wakes.”
    Ease woke. His eyes saw the translucent dress and started to go vague again.
    “Now I think we can replace the sequin,” Astrid said.
    “Of course.” Pewter picked up the sequin and fastened it to her dress, not suffering any of the distraction Ease had.
    The dress immediately went opaque, and the scene changed.

Chapter 4:
    Islands
    “The events are definitely relevant,” Pewter said. “I feel the strong magic of both Sequin and Dress, locked in so that I can’t change its reality even on a spot basis. But I do know that we must fathom the relevance of each Event to our Quest before moving on to the next. The relevance of the prior Event was in adding me to the Quest.”
    “That’s good to know,” Astrid said. “Now please let go.”
    Pewter dropped the section of dress he had been holding to replace the sequin. His fascination had been with the dress rather than her form, in contrast to Ease’s attention. “So let’s see what we have here.”
    They looked around. They were on an island, one of several. It was pretty, with a sandy beach, pleasant foliage, handsome trees, and a tall tower.
    “Help!” It was the voice of an innocent maiden in distress.
    They looked. There was a maiden in a turret atop the tower. She was waving a hankie and calling to them.
    “A damsel in distress!” Ease said, interested.
    “We’re not here to rescue damsels,” Pewter said.
    “How do you know?” Astrid asked.
    That set Pewter back. “This is not my home environment. I do not know. I had better Goggle it.”
    “Do what?” Astrid asked.
    “Tune in to the Outernet Search Engine, Goggle. It has many answers.”
    “Ask it where the anti-virus solution is,” Ease said.
    “It doesn’t answer that kind of question; it’s too serious. It’s Goggle, not Giggle. Goggle is for superficial questions.”
    “Hilarious,” Astrid said, clearly not amused.
    “Give me a moment to connect.” Pewter froze in place. Exactly one moment later he unfroze. “Goggle says damsels in distress should be promptly eyed and rescued.”
    “We might almost have come up with that answer ourselves,” Astrid said sourly. “But you say this is relevant to our Quest?”
    “I don’t know. Only that this Event is relevant. Rescuing a damsel may or may not relate.”
    “Help! Please!” the maiden called.
    Astrid sighed, echoing Kandy’s sentiment. Neither of them were enthused about adding more pretty maidens to their party. “So we’ll rescue her and send her on her way.”
    They walked toward the tower. It was a good ten times the height of a man; obviously the maiden could not just jump to the ground. The round wall of the tower was featureless; it was not possible to climb it.
    “Hello, Distressed Damsel,” Ease called. “Who are you and what do you want?”
    “Hello, Handsome Man!” she answered. “I am Tiara and I want to be rescued from this elevated dungeon. I would be most grateful.”
    She surely would. That was the problem. But how could they turn her down?
    Astrid glanced at the board, obviously sharing the sentiment.
    “Perhaps she knows something useful,” Pewter said. “We had better get on with it.”
    “How?” Ease asked. “I can make things easy, but I have to know what I’m doing. I have no idea about this.”
    “Fortunately I do,” Pewter said. “There is obviously an access so that her captor can bring her food, water, and remove wastes. There will be a tight spiral stairway inside the tower. We will access it.”
    “But there’s no door!”
    “No visible door,” Pewter said. “Masking illusion is the simplest of spells; I can undo it without vacating the firewall.” He went to the featureless base of the tower. “Illusion vacates.”
    The featureless wall dissipated, revealing rough stone with a door inset. Pewter did know that