Free Lucky Star: A Hollywood Love Story by Rebecca Norinne Caudill

imperative it was she hear me out.
    She slumped her shoulders in acquiescence and turned off the engine. She hadn’t so much as looked at me since I’d gotten into the car and it didn’t appear she intended to change that now. I’d been around her long enough to know if she looked my way she’d unleash a torrent of abuse on me. Abuse I more than deserved.
    “Speak,” she whispered into the charged silence.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Yes, you’ve said that. It’s been awhile since you’ve said it, mind you, but we’ve covered that.”
    “We shouldn’t have done that.”
    “So you said.” My heart twisted when I heard pain and frustration seep into her voice. Not only had my actions hurt her, but I’d also humiliated her which had never been my intention. I’d tried to do what was best but in the end, I’d only made things worse. Mike had been right, the smug bastard.
    “I shouldn’t have left you like I did, but we shouldn’t have done it in the first place.” Since the moment I’d rolled away from her I hadn’t been able to say out loud what had transpired. In my head I’d called it “that” and “it” but hadn’t had the balls to give voice to what it really was. Drunk as I’d been, it hadn’t been making love, the way I’d hoped our first time would be. It’d been hot and nasty and we’d been fucking, plain and simple. I could have fucked any woman I wanted. I wanted to make love with Sarah. That I hadn’t was still something I struggled with. If that made me a pussy, so be it.
    Something inside of her snapped and her eyes flashed in the dim cabin of the car. She went from hurt to full of indignant fury and I had an inkling of what the next words out of her mouth would be. “Done what Cameron? Fuck? Is that what you mean? Lord knows you can’t even say it so pardon me for being confused about what you’re referencing.”
    I wrung my hands and catching the gesture, she smiled cynically … almost like it pleased her to see me struggling. I dropped my hands and shifted in my seat to face her, my jaw set. If that’s the way she wanted it to be between us, then fine.
    “Yes Sarah. Fucked. Is that what you want me to say? Is that how you think of it? Fine. I shouldn’t have fucked you; you shouldn’t have fucked me back. It never should have happened.”
    She flinched and it made me glad. Perversely so. Almost too late, I realized the angrier I reacted, the move livid she became. And really, could I blame her? After all, I was the one who’d ruined everything between us. I had no right to be mad. Not at her at least. I could remain plenty pissed at myself though.
    “This is good. You reacting this way. It means I don’t have to be sad anymore, don’t have to cry over having had my world shattered. I can do something with anger, can use it to fuel me.” And then, her voice dropped low, she muttered, “Anger’s so much better than the bleak heartache I’ve been holding onto for so many weeks.” I wondered whether she even knew she’d spoken the words aloud.
    “What I don’t get is why you’re so broken up over it. I was there too, you know, and up until the very last second it was pretty damn good. I never asked for your undying declaration of love. All I asked was that you make me come.”
    “Fuck Sarah. Crude much?”
    “I’m sorry Cameron. What do you want me to say? Do you want a declaration of undying love? Do you want me to sit here in tears telling you that you broke my heart?” Her questions were filled with malice and there was no misinterpreting her tone. In the choice between fight or flight, she’d chosen to fight which meant she’d decided to turn her acerbic tongue onto me. I deserved it but still … ouch.
    “No, I didn’t think so.”
    “I just want to talk,” I repeated for what felt like the tenth time.
    “Isn’t that what we’re doing?” The tone she used to speak the question could cause a diabetic coma with as much saccharine she threw my