Free Black Rabbit Summer by Kevin Brooks Page B

half-naked body, she didn’t really look very sexy any more. She just looked drunk.
    ‘You don’t have to do this, Nic,’ I said quietly.
    ‘Do what?’
    ‘You know…’
    She glanced down at herself, then looked up, smiling seductively. ‘What’s the matter? Don’t you like it?’
    ‘No, it’s not that… I just think –’
    ‘What? You just think what?’
    Everything felt wrong now. Nic felt wrong, I felt wrong, the whole situation felt wrong.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I said to her. ‘I don’t think we should do this.’
    Her face froze. ‘You what?’
    ‘I just can’t…’
    She smiled awkwardly, glancing downwards. ‘Is it… you know… is something wrong?’
    ‘No… no, nothing’s wrong. I just don’t think this is the right time.’
    She frowned. ‘What are you talking about?’
    ‘This,’ I said. ‘Me and you, it just doesn’t feel right…’
    She grinned, shifting herself in my lap. ‘It feels all right to me.’
    I moved away from her.
    She stopped grinning and her eyes went cold. ‘What the hell’s the matter with you? I mean, Jesus Christ …’
    ‘Come on, Nic,’ I said, reaching out to calm her down. ‘There’s no need to get angry…’
    She slapped my hand away.
    ‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘I was only trying to –’
    ‘Fuck you, Pete,’ she hissed.
    There wasn’t much I could say to that, so I just sat there, letting her glare at me. Her face had completely changed now. It was dead-looking, vicious, hard as nails. Her once-glowing skin was dull and white, and her eyes were black with rage.
    ‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’ she said nastily.
    ‘Of course I’m not –’
    ‘Humiliating me.’
    ‘I didn’t mean to –’
    ‘Making me feel like a whore.’
    I shook my head. ‘Listen, Nic. I’m sorry, OK? I’m really sorry. I know how you must feel –’
    ‘You don’t know how I feel. ’
    She pushed herself away from me then, shoving me hard in the chest, and all I could do was sit there and watch as she picked up her clothes and started to get dressed. She was stumbling all over the place now, hopping on one leg, trying to pull on her jeans, almost falling over…
    ‘Do you mind ?’ she said, glaring over her shoulder at me.
    I lowered my eyes.
    ‘Christ,’ I heard her mutter.
    I stared at the ground, dazed and confused, not knowing what to think or what to do. My head was spinning, my skull was tightening… I was nowhere. And I didn’t understand why. I just stared at the ground, not knowing anything, utterly incapable.
    I didn’t raise my eyes again until I heard Nicole cursing and kicking an empty bottle out of her way as she moved towards the door. As I looked up, she paused for a moment, dug something out of her jeans’ pocket, and threw it over to me. It landed in the dirt at my feet – a packet of condoms.
    ‘Enjoy yourself,’ she said coldly.
    I looked up at her.
    She turned away and stooped down to the door.
    ‘Are you going to be all right?’ I asked her.
    ‘What do you care?’
    ‘I can walk with you along the lane, if you want…’
    She laughed, a dismissive snort, and then she was gone. Ilistened to her angry footsteps stomping down the bank, and I heard her stumble once or twice, and then after a while her footsteps faded away and there was nothing to hear but the stillness of the night and the sigh of my own stupid heart.

Six
    I didn’t want to go to the fair after that – I didn’t want to do anything – but I didn’t feel like going home either, and I knew if I stayed where I was, sitting alone in that soured silence, trying to think myself into a time and a place where nothing had happened and everything was still all right… well, I knew that was hopeless. Something had happened. Everything wasn’t all right. And if I carried on trying to think myself out of it, I’d probably just end up crying instead.
    Crying for what, I didn’t know.
    For being an idiot?
    For getting things wrong?
    For trying to make things