Free Collected Kill: Volume 1 by Patrick Kill Page A

wrong.  To lust is to sin.  And I’m not married yet, so no sex for me.”
    Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mick’s jaw drop.
    The blonde looked disappointed, then embarrassed, then disgusted and departed without saying another word.
    “What the hell are you doing?  Are you fucking insane?  She was hot!”
    James glanced at Vicki returning to her table.  Her tight blue jeans outlined her well-toned legs and ass.  “Purity, my friend, it is your greatest possession.”
    Mick shook his head and ignored him the rest of the night.
    The buzz wore off on the way home and James cursed out loud, “Am I fucking insane?”
    He arrived at his apartment and paced the floor.   Okay , he thought , I could be fucking some hot blonde right now with big tits and a nice ass.  Why the hell didn’t I take her up on it?
    He suddenly remembered the tequila and Jesus in it.  It had to be the alcohol talking.  Any other time, he would’ve jumped in the sack with any half-decent woman, just to get his rocks off.
    He lurched toward the restroom, slid across the linoleum on his knees and threw up in the toilet.  Portions of his lunch splattered the bowl, then the tiny worm-Jesus trickled out, plopping into the toilet.

    *   *   *   *   *   *

    The next night James sat at the bar and told Mick the whole story of why he had turned the woman down.
    “Good thing.  I thought you were turning gay on me or something.”
    “No, it had to be that drink.  And that’s the last time I’ll try that stuff.  It tasted so damn good, but it cost me a night of hot sex, so fuck that!”
    “So try this,” Mick said, uncapping another clear bottle.  He sat it on the table in front of James.
    James looked at the bottle and smiled.  TEQUILA SON, the label read.
    “Ha ha!  Very funny.”
    “No, it’s not the same.  Look.” Mick said, pointing again to the label.
    James noticed the bottle was slightly different.  It had black writing that read: DARK .
    “ Tequila Son Dark ?  Is there a Jesus in this one?”
    “No.”
    “Good!”
    James turned the bottle around, curious.  He almost jumped back when he saw the snake coiled on the inside of the bottle.  “Holy shit!  How’d they get that fucker in there?”
    Mick shrugged his shoulders.  “Beats me.  Must be about ten inches long, but skinny as a worm.  That must be why they only make these in longnecks!  Anyway, it gives a new meaning to the concept of doing Snake Bites, huh?”
    James couldn’t help but smile.  “Do you think this will do the opposite? Maybe I’ll turn into a real party animal!”
    “I think you’re too late,” Mick said, pointing across the bar.
    James glanced across the heads of people, seeing Vicki at the same table, but with a man this time.
    “It figures.”
    This time James slammed the whole drink in one gulp, the liquid stopping momentarily as the snake started squeezing its way out the top.  James cringed, but started slurping at the snake like he would spaghetti, taking the whole thing in his mouth.  He had to chew it up into three or four pieces before he could swallow and the scales grated the skin on the roof of his mouth.  He felt his teeth sever muscle and vertebrae.  The taste of ice-cold blood flooded his mouth, but he managed to engulf the whole thing without gagging.  The last trickle of alcohol chased the snake and he sat back.
    Everything around him seemed fast, suddenly alive with energy.  Lights seemed brighter, the music louder.  The women looked hotter and he felt suddenly very horny.
    He looked back at the table where Vicki sat and cursed softly.
    His face went numb minutes later and he felt blood racing through his body.  His foot started tapping by its own freewill and he felt restrained to the seat.
    He peeled himself off the barstool and approached Vicki.  She gave him a dirty glare, which made him feel even more pissed than he already was.  He looked at the man beside her, and said, “Excuse me, but I